This week I handed in my notice. Hallelujah! Celebrations....! But wait a minute...Yesterday, just as the week ended and at the end of a very arduous and irritating day on duty, my team manager said "She who must be obeyed (he used her name but that's the gist of it) says you might not be able to finish so soon." He added that I can't count on being able to carry leave over to next year. I said: "So you are saying I have to take my leave this month, and come back and finish out my notice in April?"
He looked a bit confused, I felt my irritation surge, and I said, let's not discuss this now on a Friday at 6.30pm. We'll talk about it on Monday.
He said, just make sure you sort out your leave on Monday as you could lose it.
The day had been a real drag. I had not slept well, thinking about the work, finishing, the new job...but usually good will sees me through even if I am tired.
Today though, I discovered the system has changed. We now do have to do real Duty. This has not been the case before but now any query from a school has to be dealt with by a social worker. This was not explained by the Duty manager, and nor did he explain how to complete a contact form or whether he wanted a recommendation attached. As is usual in this Borough, just work it out for yourself, bother someone else if you have to, don't expect clarity or discussion. So the work of duty was quietly doubled, less time for our own work. I expect my non meeting of deadlines will reflect this, and managers will quietly "forget" that they made this change and that it has a knock on effect.
Much of the time I was the only social worker in the office, I took 3 full referrals and several other things and had no time in between to write them up or have a proper lunch break. By the time I took the 3rd on the trot I was quite bemused and did not ask all the questions I could, should, would have. The TM's response was a kind of surly blamingness. He also is tired and stressed. I said, look, it's 3 pm and I have had no break, I am going to make mistakes. I find my patience is almost exhausted with the system's exploitative and dictatorial processes. I looked up "Bullying at Work" and came across the ACAS leaflet about it. I am pretty sure I could make a reasonable case about my experience of work in this LA. One of the forms of bullying listed is
"deliberately undermining a competent worker by overloading and constant criticism"
Yes, that rings quite true. Sadly it is the culture of the office.
I know my TM tries to be nice, some of the time, but he surely is not a nice person when he is on Duty. A colleague had a meeting arranged in the morning, the room booked was too small, and when He found out about it, he said "Why did you do that?" in his usual accusing tone when he discovers a mistake. As if someone would set out deliberately to book the wrong size room. My colleagues are all becoming increasingly irritated by the tension and the workload. Even the NQSW, who is so willing, effective and dedicated, told me she was reassured that I was leaving to do another job in social work as it gave her hope that other LAs could be different.
Anyway, after hearing the news about my leave, I left the office in a fairly rancid mood. I was thinking that without massive and unappreciated good will on the part of the staff, the job would not get done. After all as we told our Director this week, we are working 50 to 60 hours per week as a matter of course.
Near the station, with all of this circling round in my brain, I fell. Hard. Suddenly I slipped or tripped, I don't quite know, and felt my face land hard on the pavement. Ouch!! The impact was mainly on my nose and forehead. I looked up expecting to see a gush of blood and a pair of shattered glasses.
There was neither. I was amazed, dazed and in some pain. A passer by had stopped and asked if I was OK, saying she had "felt that." I got up, shaken and continued to the station.
Still no bruises to day and hardly a sign that anything happened. But it does give me pause for thought.
Was it because I felt like smashing someone's face in? (eg my team leader) or because I was just tired and distracted?
I don't know. But I know that I am prepared to assert myself about this leaving business. And I know I don't have the energy or the good will to work more than about 40 hours a week. And why should I? Oh and I got a couple of new cases yesterday as well.
So a letter is composing itself about my leaving.
Dear So and So,
I am leaving work in a month's time from 8th March when I handed in my notice. I have 5 -10 days leave to take. I am paid to work 37.5 hours per week. I won't get TOIL so I won't work any extra hours from now on. Have a look at this article if you wonder why. I will write up the assessments I have done and will do. I will leave clear notes about what needs to be done but I will only work the hours I am paid to work.
And if you do not like it, you can whistle. As bosses go, you are pretty vile and that's the truth. I almost wish I had had more courage, stood up to you more. But I wanted to keep on the right side of you and get a half decent reference, and I am not the only one. So you don't get to hear the truth, which is- it's been a nightmare job and I am going to need recovery time.
I'll take advice from an HR expert, or I will take legal advice, but I won't be bullied or blackmailed into unreasonable and ridiculous amounts of work. If you really care about the children of this Borough, then employ enough social workers to meet the need. And get some sane systems and sane people to run them.
Yours etc etc.
And I think there is an undercurrent of disappointment that having spoken quite frankly to the Director, in a meeting he set up earlier in the week, there has not been any sign of a response or an intervention to improve things. He was very pleasant, murmured sympathetically, but still accepts that this team will work almost twice its contractual hours to ensure a service is provided, and will be criticized for its inevitable shortcomings as it tries to do so. Not very impressive. Still, I trust for me this is the beginning of the end of a nightmare.
I'm Leaving You.
PS I decided that this is not the place to talk about the spiritual dimension of my work and/or life, and that that needs to have it's own space. . This one will focus on the job and I started another one to explore the spiritual journey. I'm excited about creating a kind of dialogue between these blogs...see the other one here!
