Yes it is. Once again I am awake at 4 am, with thoughts of the myriad undone tasks buzzing about like bees. Which one will end up stinging me? Is any client at risk through what I am doing, or not doing? I quickly gave up on my work organization system, it's too cumbersome, and too time consuming. I have just concentrated on getting things done, but with a mushrooming caseload it's a nightmare.
How to keep track of old cases I have mentally finished with but they are still open to me for one or more bureaucratic tasks... When I have new cases to go and visit and new checks to get done. It is a nightmare. I feel as if I am doing two jobs, one is vaguely like social work, the other is the relentless paperwork which could be done by almost anyone who can print out a letter or fathom how to send a fax via the telephone, when the system saves documents in a format which it won't deal with as a fax. This makes getting information from GPs, for instance, quite a palaver.
Yesterday I went for a coffee with a colleague who is under serious pressure from her manager, she described a lot of nit picking which seems designed to cause her to lose confidence and possible move on from the job. Picking her up on things...
How rare that conversation was! One hour of real discussion. We joined at the same time, have been quite close, and this is the first time we really spoke. I cried, what has become of this profession? So many managers really seem to enjoy the power they have and it is not combined with compassion.
When I think of the time wasted on our induction, when surely we should have been set up with the tools and information we need to do the job, but weren't! But there is a corporate requirement for that 2 week induction so something had to be done. It included days of reading time and going to find places like the Job Centre. Not how to use ICS, or adjust to working in a paperless environment....for example.
So we are still scrabbling around trying to find out stuff like how to send an email to the police.Learning all these systems, when I am busy and stressed. So emotionally unintelligent. It was another worker who send me a step by step guide to sending this email, which is a fundamental part of the child protection process, not business support or managers.
I am looking for another job, and I want out of statutory social work. It is not a good place to be.
Thursday 17 November 2011
Saturday 5 November 2011
Sunday Extra
"My only advice......is to merely accept where you are. Granted, its not ideal, but accept it and surrender to it. Realize this is where you are. It may not be what you want long term, but by focusing on the future and what you want changed, you actually make your present moment worse. So stop, look at where you are, know it won't last forever, and accept it. Find the beauty in it. Find how much it means to help your family for instance. Find how much it means to be healthy and happy and not one of those dependent and unable to help themselves.
The more you appreciate where you are, the more quickly you can change your circumstances.
Remember...that which you resist, persists."
This is a quote from a site I belong to online....inspired by a spiritual teacher called Mike Dooley. I have belonged to it for a long time, but hardly ever look into. I "dropped in" in a casual way, on my way to writing here again. It's 4.39 am and I woke up with thoughts of work, and life....so time to write again.
Yesterday I emailed a good friend about my decision to do some work at home. She responded that it was a good decision and commented..."what we resist, persists." I felt that kind of "ouch" of recognition. I certainly have resisted the idea of working at home and also much of the job, I resist!
So when I came across the same quote on this web forum I knew, yes, it's important to explore this. No coincidence here! This is my personal journey, and social work is the "work" bit of my reality. It's true I've had a lot of grumbles and complaints but the thing is, it's not just work, it's life. And I was conscious this week of how being angry may feel empowering in the short term, but how does it affect others? And how does it square with my values and aspirations?
So as it's a Sunday, I want to write about spirituality and life and social work. Yes, I think there are issues about how the job is organized now. I think that it is quite a crazy system. But it is also true that it is what it is and it is likely to be the same for some time. I am in no different a situation than many people who find themselves today doing work they'd rather not, for less than adequate pay. The details may be different but that's the nub of it.
No different to the person stuck in a loveless marriage, or in a burdensome caring role, or with a physical disability......or with debts.....the stuck, burdensome situation looks different for each person but it has that characteristic of seeming unchangeable and relentless.
I have a situation where, to keep up with my not very inspiring work, it makes sense to do more of it, in my "free" time, in order to stay on top of recording and producing assessments. Either I do that, or I spend time and energy feeling anxious, worried and trying to remember details from days ago. Until now, I have resisted this aspect of my job.
Yesterday, I did some of that dreaded extra work. It was not so bad, from 4.30pm to 8 and then another 20 mins during ad breaks to finish off whilst my favourite TV show was on. And now, the bones of a weeks work are more or less written up.
I was grateful to my friend for what she wrote. I have been an intense spiritual seeker all my life, and finding myself in the one situation which I did not want (back in statutory social work) is a huge challenge to my faith. I have had the idea that my life would change radically, outwardly, and I would escape the drudgery of the job...again. And start my real life, where I could show what a truly wonderful spiritual being I am.
But the truth is, I need to live now in a way that expresses who I really am. I've been aware that the anger and resentment that I feel have an impact at work. They affect my colleagues and clients too. They don't see the inside, the "why" of what I feel, they see, and sense, an energy of anger and negativity.
I still feel it a dilemma though. If I let go of the resentment and be in harmony with what is.....does that not let "the system" off the hook? And if I can be joyful in the job, doesn't that mean that it's OK for everyone?
There is a spiritual law here, "what you resist, persists." After all, Viktor Frankl was in a concentration camp but chose to "say yes to life." It is easy to say yes when life hands us the bowl of cherries. But perhaps life will hand only the lemons....lemons of long working hours, open plan offices, pressing deadlines.....all the things I've struggled with. Can I accept this lemons and in some way transform them? Allow them to be what they are and yet transform them into something beautiful?
Some time ago, I gave a talk on moving from Trauma to Triumph in life. I said to my manager this week, it's been traumatic. And it has. Trauma is fundamentally about separation. I think I have fully experienced that stage. Now it's time to move on. I have said it how it is.....I know that the acceptance is vital and means I can begin to be kind to myself and remember, there is a journey from Trauma to Triumph, no matter what the circumstances.
So yesterday I went shopping and bought a project book, in which I can organize each case, with its own to do list. A small step of acceptance. This is what I need to do for myself to be on top of the job. I wrote case notes at home, in a relaxed way....a step of acceptance. And I accept the need to do the job without complaining to colleagues in the office. It does none of us good, when I complain.
It feels good to have reconnected with the spiritual side of life in a way that includes the job! Remembering that my life, my particular life, is about being joyful, no matter what. Joy that is based on the fundamental goodness of reality, no matter how it appears. I have the opportunity to do that in the challenging world of social work. Maybe it is even a blessing. And what I resist, will persist!
The more you appreciate where you are, the more quickly you can change your circumstances.
Remember...that which you resist, persists."
This is a quote from a site I belong to online....inspired by a spiritual teacher called Mike Dooley. I have belonged to it for a long time, but hardly ever look into. I "dropped in" in a casual way, on my way to writing here again. It's 4.39 am and I woke up with thoughts of work, and life....so time to write again.
Yesterday I emailed a good friend about my decision to do some work at home. She responded that it was a good decision and commented..."what we resist, persists." I felt that kind of "ouch" of recognition. I certainly have resisted the idea of working at home and also much of the job, I resist!
So when I came across the same quote on this web forum I knew, yes, it's important to explore this. No coincidence here! This is my personal journey, and social work is the "work" bit of my reality. It's true I've had a lot of grumbles and complaints but the thing is, it's not just work, it's life. And I was conscious this week of how being angry may feel empowering in the short term, but how does it affect others? And how does it square with my values and aspirations?
So as it's a Sunday, I want to write about spirituality and life and social work. Yes, I think there are issues about how the job is organized now. I think that it is quite a crazy system. But it is also true that it is what it is and it is likely to be the same for some time. I am in no different a situation than many people who find themselves today doing work they'd rather not, for less than adequate pay. The details may be different but that's the nub of it.
No different to the person stuck in a loveless marriage, or in a burdensome caring role, or with a physical disability......or with debts.....the stuck, burdensome situation looks different for each person but it has that characteristic of seeming unchangeable and relentless.
I have a situation where, to keep up with my not very inspiring work, it makes sense to do more of it, in my "free" time, in order to stay on top of recording and producing assessments. Either I do that, or I spend time and energy feeling anxious, worried and trying to remember details from days ago. Until now, I have resisted this aspect of my job.
Yesterday, I did some of that dreaded extra work. It was not so bad, from 4.30pm to 8 and then another 20 mins during ad breaks to finish off whilst my favourite TV show was on. And now, the bones of a weeks work are more or less written up.
I was grateful to my friend for what she wrote. I have been an intense spiritual seeker all my life, and finding myself in the one situation which I did not want (back in statutory social work) is a huge challenge to my faith. I have had the idea that my life would change radically, outwardly, and I would escape the drudgery of the job...again. And start my real life, where I could show what a truly wonderful spiritual being I am.
But the truth is, I need to live now in a way that expresses who I really am. I've been aware that the anger and resentment that I feel have an impact at work. They affect my colleagues and clients too. They don't see the inside, the "why" of what I feel, they see, and sense, an energy of anger and negativity.
I still feel it a dilemma though. If I let go of the resentment and be in harmony with what is.....does that not let "the system" off the hook? And if I can be joyful in the job, doesn't that mean that it's OK for everyone?
There is a spiritual law here, "what you resist, persists." After all, Viktor Frankl was in a concentration camp but chose to "say yes to life." It is easy to say yes when life hands us the bowl of cherries. But perhaps life will hand only the lemons....lemons of long working hours, open plan offices, pressing deadlines.....all the things I've struggled with. Can I accept this lemons and in some way transform them? Allow them to be what they are and yet transform them into something beautiful?
Some time ago, I gave a talk on moving from Trauma to Triumph in life. I said to my manager this week, it's been traumatic. And it has. Trauma is fundamentally about separation. I think I have fully experienced that stage. Now it's time to move on. I have said it how it is.....I know that the acceptance is vital and means I can begin to be kind to myself and remember, there is a journey from Trauma to Triumph, no matter what the circumstances.
So yesterday I went shopping and bought a project book, in which I can organize each case, with its own to do list. A small step of acceptance. This is what I need to do for myself to be on top of the job. I wrote case notes at home, in a relaxed way....a step of acceptance. And I accept the need to do the job without complaining to colleagues in the office. It does none of us good, when I complain.
It feels good to have reconnected with the spiritual side of life in a way that includes the job! Remembering that my life, my particular life, is about being joyful, no matter what. Joy that is based on the fundamental goodness of reality, no matter how it appears. I have the opportunity to do that in the challenging world of social work. Maybe it is even a blessing. And what I resist, will persist!
Saturday Sanity
The last post was written at one of my lowest points and I might end up deleting it. It came about purely through tiredness and trying to do too much. Two visits in a day is enough. It does not sound like much, but these are intensely demanding visits, quite often to clients who are angry, puzzled and resistant. It takes an emotional toll and there has to be recovery time. Otherwise I will become overwhelmed, confused and arrive at clients' homes with a mind full of information which I have not had a chance to process as the system requires.
I have just about decided that it is not possible to maintain a normal work life balance and do this job. There is so much writing up to do and so little time to do it, with all the other tasks that have to be done in terms of contacting other professionals, making referrals, sending out letters, uploading correspondence.....these take all my time. Actually writing up the assessments is not difficult, if I don't leave it for a week after the visit.
So this weekend I am going to do some work at home. And if the TV is on in the background, never mind! Then I can copy and paste at the office, amidst the hubbub, and do "bitty" work, admin and phone calls at the office. At least at home I have peace and quiet, and pleasant surroundings.
I will keep track though, of just how many hours I am doing this for, and it is an adjustment I've resisted as it is an erosion of free time. But it is pointless having free time in which I get worried and stressed just remembering all that I have to do.
I had supervision yesterday and I do like my manager, which helps. I think if he knows I am trying, he will be as kind as he can about piling on the pressure. But as he says, he is not in charge of allocation to his team. It just continues.....though he can say, not to this worker this week, perhaps! He said the culture of the LA is not to try to keep people or move them round if they aren't happy. He also advised going on training.
So yesterday I got up in the early hours and drafted a closing letter about a case.....on of my first, and I had not given information about resources quickly. That is the other thing, do that, do referrals, as part of the assessment, don't wait for assessment to be approved because then the energy goes out of it. It's all about striking while the iron is hot, and getting it closed!
Being in the moment, I suppose. Knowing what resources are around in the LA....all of which does take time.
But perhaps if I can work in a slightly different way, while I am getting used to the systems, the printer, being paperless etc, it will be not quite so intolerable. After all, this is my precious life and I don't want to waste it complaining and resenting things that just are. And in the meantime, I downloaded an application form for another job..... Looking for a "spiritual" slant here, I came across this quote in connection with the underlying theme of spirituality and my life as a social worker:
"Spiritual resilience is not being hardened to the point where you ignore or deny circumstance. But using your most challenging life experiences, like the akido warrior who uses humor and flexibility, to respond and–if necessary–remake yourself."
Find the original
here
I have just about decided that it is not possible to maintain a normal work life balance and do this job. There is so much writing up to do and so little time to do it, with all the other tasks that have to be done in terms of contacting other professionals, making referrals, sending out letters, uploading correspondence.....these take all my time. Actually writing up the assessments is not difficult, if I don't leave it for a week after the visit.
So this weekend I am going to do some work at home. And if the TV is on in the background, never mind! Then I can copy and paste at the office, amidst the hubbub, and do "bitty" work, admin and phone calls at the office. At least at home I have peace and quiet, and pleasant surroundings.
I will keep track though, of just how many hours I am doing this for, and it is an adjustment I've resisted as it is an erosion of free time. But it is pointless having free time in which I get worried and stressed just remembering all that I have to do.
I had supervision yesterday and I do like my manager, which helps. I think if he knows I am trying, he will be as kind as he can about piling on the pressure. But as he says, he is not in charge of allocation to his team. It just continues.....though he can say, not to this worker this week, perhaps! He said the culture of the LA is not to try to keep people or move them round if they aren't happy. He also advised going on training.
So yesterday I got up in the early hours and drafted a closing letter about a case.....on of my first, and I had not given information about resources quickly. That is the other thing, do that, do referrals, as part of the assessment, don't wait for assessment to be approved because then the energy goes out of it. It's all about striking while the iron is hot, and getting it closed!
Being in the moment, I suppose. Knowing what resources are around in the LA....all of which does take time.
But perhaps if I can work in a slightly different way, while I am getting used to the systems, the printer, being paperless etc, it will be not quite so intolerable. After all, this is my precious life and I don't want to waste it complaining and resenting things that just are. And in the meantime, I downloaded an application form for another job..... Looking for a "spiritual" slant here, I came across this quote in connection with the underlying theme of spirituality and my life as a social worker:
"Spiritual resilience is not being hardened to the point where you ignore or deny circumstance. But using your most challenging life experiences, like the akido warrior who uses humor and flexibility, to respond and–if necessary–remake yourself."
Find the original
here
“What’s really important in life? Sitting on a beach? Looking at television eight hours a day? I think we have to appreciate that we’re alive for only a limited period of time, and we’ll spend most of our lives working.
That being the case, I believe one of the most important priorities is to do whatever we do as well as we can. We should take pride in that.”
~Victor Kiam
Tuesday 1 November 2011
Definitely not all right Jack!
Shit hitting fan today. Too much to do. Results: so late for an appointment that I had to abandon it. getting on bus to wrong address. Retracing steps, not knowing what to do, stand about futilely for a while. Give up and go home and beat myself up. No phone numbers on me to phone either client. Deadline tomorrow on one of them. Should I just make it all up, I went, I saw, I conquered and I did the damn reports before the deadlines!
Of course I would not do that, too afraid of getting caught for one thing. But how annoying to be so controlled by deadly deadlines.
And thought I didn't have notes from yesterday at home with me, so thought I couldn't write up report from yesterday.... I had them all the time, just not accessible.
Two more little conversations, my friend R. is angry, feels she is being abused by the work. X is "over my head" with work, and even MJ says she is struggling. I was close to speaking up in the Team Meeting. Young colleagus S. says, we get cut down for speaking up, or they say they'll do something and don't. It must be a "health and safety" issue...
So, instead of writing up a report, I filled in another job application and also contacted fostering agency. I am almost ready to launch out again into the unknown. Life is too short to be nothing but a human info. robot. And I don't enjoy telling people what to do. I must get out of statutory social work before I lose the will to live entirely!
A poem for the month and entirely in tune with this bleak mood, especially going on a visit to a bleak housing estate on a cold, dark, wet November evening:
Of course I would not do that, too afraid of getting caught for one thing. But how annoying to be so controlled by deadly deadlines.
And thought I didn't have notes from yesterday at home with me, so thought I couldn't write up report from yesterday.... I had them all the time, just not accessible.
Two more little conversations, my friend R. is angry, feels she is being abused by the work. X is "over my head" with work, and even MJ says she is struggling. I was close to speaking up in the Team Meeting. Young colleagus S. says, we get cut down for speaking up, or they say they'll do something and don't. It must be a "health and safety" issue...
So, instead of writing up a report, I filled in another job application and also contacted fostering agency. I am almost ready to launch out again into the unknown. Life is too short to be nothing but a human info. robot. And I don't enjoy telling people what to do. I must get out of statutory social work before I lose the will to live entirely!
A poem for the month and entirely in tune with this bleak mood, especially going on a visit to a bleak housing estate on a cold, dark, wet November evening:
November
by Thomas Hood
No sun--no moon!
No morn--no noon!
No dawn--no dusk--no proper time of day--
No sky--no earthly view--
No distance looking blue--
No road--no street--
No "t'other side the way"--
No end to any Row--
No indications where the Crescents go--
No top to any steeple--
No recognitions of familiar people--
No courtesies for showing 'em--
No knowing 'em!
No mail--no post--
No news from any foreign coast--
No park--no ring--no afternoon gentility--
No company--no nobility--
No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member--
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds,
November!
No morn--no noon!
No dawn--no dusk--no proper time of day--
No sky--no earthly view--
No distance looking blue--
No road--no street--
No "t'other side the way"--
No end to any Row--
No indications where the Crescents go--
No top to any steeple--
No recognitions of familiar people--
No courtesies for showing 'em--
No knowing 'em!
No mail--no post--
No news from any foreign coast--
No park--no ring--no afternoon gentility--
No company--no nobility--
No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member--
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds,
November!
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