This week I handed in my notice. Hallelujah! Celebrations....! But wait a minute...Yesterday, just as the week ended and at the end of a very arduous and irritating day on duty, my team manager said "She who must be obeyed (he used her name but that's the gist of it) says you might not be able to finish so soon." He added that I can't count on being able to carry leave over to next year. I said: "So you are saying I have to take my leave this month, and come back and finish out my notice in April?"
He looked a bit confused, I felt my irritation surge, and I said, let's not discuss this now on a Friday at 6.30pm. We'll talk about it on Monday.
He said, just make sure you sort out your leave on Monday as you could lose it.
The day had been a real drag. I had not slept well, thinking about the work, finishing, the new job...but usually good will sees me through even if I am tired.
Today though, I discovered the system has changed. We now do have to do real Duty. This has not been the case before but now any query from a school has to be dealt with by a social worker. This was not explained by the Duty manager, and nor did he explain how to complete a contact form or whether he wanted a recommendation attached. As is usual in this Borough, just work it out for yourself, bother someone else if you have to, don't expect clarity or discussion. So the work of duty was quietly doubled, less time for our own work. I expect my non meeting of deadlines will reflect this, and managers will quietly "forget" that they made this change and that it has a knock on effect.
Much of the time I was the only social worker in the office, I took 3 full referrals and several other things and had no time in between to write them up or have a proper lunch break. By the time I took the 3rd on the trot I was quite bemused and did not ask all the questions I could, should, would have. The TM's response was a kind of surly blamingness. He also is tired and stressed. I said, look, it's 3 pm and I have had no break, I am going to make mistakes. I find my patience is almost exhausted with the system's exploitative and dictatorial processes. I looked up "Bullying at Work" and came across the ACAS leaflet about it. I am pretty sure I could make a reasonable case about my experience of work in this LA. One of the forms of bullying listed is
"deliberately undermining a competent worker by overloading and constant criticism"
Yes, that rings quite true. Sadly it is the culture of the office.
I know my TM tries to be nice, some of the time, but he surely is not a nice person when he is on Duty. A colleague had a meeting arranged in the morning, the room booked was too small, and when He found out about it, he said "Why did you do that?" in his usual accusing tone when he discovers a mistake. As if someone would set out deliberately to book the wrong size room. My colleagues are all becoming increasingly irritated by the tension and the workload. Even the NQSW, who is so willing, effective and dedicated, told me she was reassured that I was leaving to do another job in social work as it gave her hope that other LAs could be different.
Anyway, after hearing the news about my leave, I left the office in a fairly rancid mood. I was thinking that without massive and unappreciated good will on the part of the staff, the job would not get done. After all as we told our Director this week, we are working 50 to 60 hours per week as a matter of course.
Near the station, with all of this circling round in my brain, I fell. Hard. Suddenly I slipped or tripped, I don't quite know, and felt my face land hard on the pavement. Ouch!! The impact was mainly on my nose and forehead. I looked up expecting to see a gush of blood and a pair of shattered glasses.
There was neither. I was amazed, dazed and in some pain. A passer by had stopped and asked if I was OK, saying she had "felt that." I got up, shaken and continued to the station.
Still no bruises to day and hardly a sign that anything happened. But it does give me pause for thought.
Was it because I felt like smashing someone's face in? (eg my team leader) or because I was just tired and distracted?
I don't know. But I know that I am prepared to assert myself about this leaving business. And I know I don't have the energy or the good will to work more than about 40 hours a week. And why should I? Oh and I got a couple of new cases yesterday as well.
So a letter is composing itself about my leaving.
Dear So and So,
I am leaving work in a month's time from 8th March when I handed in my notice. I have 5 -10 days leave to take. I am paid to work 37.5 hours per week. I won't get TOIL so I won't work any extra hours from now on. Have a look at this article if you wonder why. I will write up the assessments I have done and will do. I will leave clear notes about what needs to be done but I will only work the hours I am paid to work.
And if you do not like it, you can whistle. As bosses go, you are pretty vile and that's the truth. I almost wish I had had more courage, stood up to you more. But I wanted to keep on the right side of you and get a half decent reference, and I am not the only one. So you don't get to hear the truth, which is- it's been a nightmare job and I am going to need recovery time.
I'll take advice from an HR expert, or I will take legal advice, but I won't be bullied or blackmailed into unreasonable and ridiculous amounts of work. If you really care about the children of this Borough, then employ enough social workers to meet the need. And get some sane systems and sane people to run them.
Yours etc etc.
And I think there is an undercurrent of disappointment that having spoken quite frankly to the Director, in a meeting he set up earlier in the week, there has not been any sign of a response or an intervention to improve things. He was very pleasant, murmured sympathetically, but still accepts that this team will work almost twice its contractual hours to ensure a service is provided, and will be criticized for its inevitable shortcomings as it tries to do so. Not very impressive. Still, I trust for me this is the beginning of the end of a nightmare.
I'm Leaving You.
PS I decided that this is not the place to talk about the spiritual dimension of my work and/or life, and that that needs to have it's own space. . This one will focus on the job and I started another one to explore the spiritual journey. I'm excited about creating a kind of dialogue between these blogs...see the other one here!
Saturday 10 March 2012
Saturday 11 February 2012
Saturday Sanctuary
Another week over, another couple of days respite. It's been a while since I wrote anything here. Sometimes it's just very hard to find the place in myself to write from. Since I started sharing the blog, maybe I am too self conscious, wanting to look good, even when I don't feel good!
The truth is that recently my boss has been reading assessments I wrote in November and December and is not always very happy with them. The agency expects an OFSTED inspection any time now and the pressure on us to dot the "i's" and cross the "t's" is so high.
My colleague/ friend I mentioned not too long ago handed in her notice. She doesn't have a job to go to, but with all the pressure and the lack of support she just could not tolerate being scrutinized and judged. It's so hard to see because I know there is another side to the story. Perhaps her work really is not up to scratch. I doubt that very much,having worked with her over a period of 2 years previously and not heard any complaints! I am not sure my own work is really no better, I may just have had a slightly more supportive manager. Or because I am older and look like a very typical social worker, I get a bit more rope than my rather more glamorous, younger colleague!
I just wish she (and I) had had a bit more real support. For example, to be sent out with the "best" social workers in our first week or two, (ie those who apparently manage to meet all the deadlines), to have an induction designed for the job and not a vague, go and read and get on with it sort of thing. After all 5 of us were starting at the same time, it would have been worth planning for us properly! I wish we'd been made familiar with scanning documents so that it was automatic before we ever saw a client. I wish that there was a 1 day training on how to do the initial assessments in the most effective and efficient way. Instead, what has happened is basically we have been left to sink or swim.
Out of the people who started with me, my friend has "sunk". I have "sunk", with my head occasionally bobbing up above the water. Another is leaving for family reasons but is clear that she thinks there is a huge management issue. Another is going to do her level best to get through the probation period, and then will relax. She is angry, disillusioned and taking a good deal of sick leave and all the annual leave she can.
She made the point the other day that everyone is so busy they don't record the extra hours they work. She said that this means there is no evidence for how much we are working, as far as management are concerned. And of course she is right.And the other who started with us is also falling behind, starting work at 5.30 am and working far into the night to try to keep up. This person has a work permit and a loan from the Council so has very limited options. Like at least 6 other social workers out of 14.
It is just mindboggling how the job actually is. The bureaucracy that slows everything down and is so frustrating for clients and staff. On Thursday I got 3 or 4 emails from my manager wanting things added to or changed in some assessments from November. I can hardly remember the cases, now I have to "resurrect" them and do more work, on top of current work............
Thursday was a very difficult day. I felt completely thrown off kilter. With so many urgent things to do, I literally could not think straight. I tried to work faster, and was the last person in the office at 9pm. I did not even notice that it had snowed. I had the thought that I could just have stayed there and worked all night, or been stranded by the snow, unable to get home. No one would have noticed.
Every week or so, there is a list sent round with assessments that are out of date. My name was never on it till after Christmas, now there are 4 or so. Of those, some I have done the required visits but not had time to write up, some I forgot to copy and paste to a sibling. But with the amount of work coming in now, I do not know how I will catch up. What to do?
I got home at 10pm on Thursday evening, stressed and tired. I did not sleep well and in the morning really thought about taking the day off sick. But I had an appointment arranged with a reluctant client, one which we had actually discussed and I did not want to risk missing it. On the way to the train station she rang to say she would not be there. I almost went back home but decided to carry on. I still felt so reluctant to get in that I did go and have a cup of coffee and phoned a social work friend. Her job is better paid, much less stressful and it is agreed she can work from home two days a week. It sort of helped to know that a similar team in a different Local Authority is a happy place to work!
When I got to the office at 11 am, ( 2hours Time Off In Lieu) I was told a client had presented herself to a social work office in another area. She had no money for her two children and half term was imminent. To cut a long story short, my whole day from 11 am to 7pm consisted of dealing with that one situation, with just a few calls on another "old" case, one discussion with a GP about a baby, and a lunch break of 45 minutes.
The final phone call in relation to the case was from the client I spent most of the day working on so that the case could transfer to the other LA. If I'd been expecting gratitude I would have been sorely disappointed. She phoned at 6.30pm basically to demand that she gets reimbursed for a payment she made to a playscheme and to tell me how glad she is that she will be dealing with another Local Authority. Lovely end to the week. And all the urgent things (which are to do with children's lives) which had freaked me out the previous day? Not a chance even to think about them. But yesterday evening at home I did re do my weekly to do list, so that I can start again on Monday with a bit of clarity.
The inner story though is quite interesting.I've moved it to my ACIM space.
The truth is that recently my boss has been reading assessments I wrote in November and December and is not always very happy with them. The agency expects an OFSTED inspection any time now and the pressure on us to dot the "i's" and cross the "t's" is so high.
My colleague/ friend I mentioned not too long ago handed in her notice. She doesn't have a job to go to, but with all the pressure and the lack of support she just could not tolerate being scrutinized and judged. It's so hard to see because I know there is another side to the story. Perhaps her work really is not up to scratch. I doubt that very much,having worked with her over a period of 2 years previously and not heard any complaints! I am not sure my own work is really no better, I may just have had a slightly more supportive manager. Or because I am older and look like a very typical social worker, I get a bit more rope than my rather more glamorous, younger colleague!
I just wish she (and I) had had a bit more real support. For example, to be sent out with the "best" social workers in our first week or two, (ie those who apparently manage to meet all the deadlines), to have an induction designed for the job and not a vague, go and read and get on with it sort of thing. After all 5 of us were starting at the same time, it would have been worth planning for us properly! I wish we'd been made familiar with scanning documents so that it was automatic before we ever saw a client. I wish that there was a 1 day training on how to do the initial assessments in the most effective and efficient way. Instead, what has happened is basically we have been left to sink or swim.
Out of the people who started with me, my friend has "sunk". I have "sunk", with my head occasionally bobbing up above the water. Another is leaving for family reasons but is clear that she thinks there is a huge management issue. Another is going to do her level best to get through the probation period, and then will relax. She is angry, disillusioned and taking a good deal of sick leave and all the annual leave she can.
She made the point the other day that everyone is so busy they don't record the extra hours they work. She said that this means there is no evidence for how much we are working, as far as management are concerned. And of course she is right.And the other who started with us is also falling behind, starting work at 5.30 am and working far into the night to try to keep up. This person has a work permit and a loan from the Council so has very limited options. Like at least 6 other social workers out of 14.
It is just mindboggling how the job actually is. The bureaucracy that slows everything down and is so frustrating for clients and staff. On Thursday I got 3 or 4 emails from my manager wanting things added to or changed in some assessments from November. I can hardly remember the cases, now I have to "resurrect" them and do more work, on top of current work............
Thursday was a very difficult day. I felt completely thrown off kilter. With so many urgent things to do, I literally could not think straight. I tried to work faster, and was the last person in the office at 9pm. I did not even notice that it had snowed. I had the thought that I could just have stayed there and worked all night, or been stranded by the snow, unable to get home. No one would have noticed.
Every week or so, there is a list sent round with assessments that are out of date. My name was never on it till after Christmas, now there are 4 or so. Of those, some I have done the required visits but not had time to write up, some I forgot to copy and paste to a sibling. But with the amount of work coming in now, I do not know how I will catch up. What to do?
I got home at 10pm on Thursday evening, stressed and tired. I did not sleep well and in the morning really thought about taking the day off sick. But I had an appointment arranged with a reluctant client, one which we had actually discussed and I did not want to risk missing it. On the way to the train station she rang to say she would not be there. I almost went back home but decided to carry on. I still felt so reluctant to get in that I did go and have a cup of coffee and phoned a social work friend. Her job is better paid, much less stressful and it is agreed she can work from home two days a week. It sort of helped to know that a similar team in a different Local Authority is a happy place to work!
When I got to the office at 11 am, ( 2hours Time Off In Lieu) I was told a client had presented herself to a social work office in another area. She had no money for her two children and half term was imminent. To cut a long story short, my whole day from 11 am to 7pm consisted of dealing with that one situation, with just a few calls on another "old" case, one discussion with a GP about a baby, and a lunch break of 45 minutes.
The final phone call in relation to the case was from the client I spent most of the day working on so that the case could transfer to the other LA. If I'd been expecting gratitude I would have been sorely disappointed. She phoned at 6.30pm basically to demand that she gets reimbursed for a payment she made to a playscheme and to tell me how glad she is that she will be dealing with another Local Authority. Lovely end to the week. And all the urgent things (which are to do with children's lives) which had freaked me out the previous day? Not a chance even to think about them. But yesterday evening at home I did re do my weekly to do list, so that I can start again on Monday with a bit of clarity.
The inner story though is quite interesting.I've moved it to my ACIM space.
Friday 20 January 2012
Peace and Mental Health.
I am studying A Course in Miracles. I don't find it easy to admit how important it is to me, and how I feel my mind changing now. But the Urtext is something else! A kind of practical commentary on the teaching of the course. The word "miracles" is a bit misleading. The Miracles are to do with shifts in perception rather than feeding the five thousand. It makes it sound like a flaky thing, want to learn to turn water into wine?
Especially to a down to earth social worker, who needs to be very pragmatic...
But reading in the Urtext about peace and mental health, it is very clear how the Course "scribes" were psychologists! Peace actually IS mental health and what the Course says seems very relevant to my personal journey and also in thinking about social work and clients.
"Peace is an attribute in YOU. You cannot find it outside. All mental illness is some form of EXTERNAL searching. Mental health is INNER peace. It enables you to remain unshaken by lack of love from without, and capable, through your own miracles, of correcting the external conditions, which proceed from lack of love in others."
Time, almost, to think about this in my life and in a client's life. For example the young mother who needs to detox, and has an 11 year old daughter who does not have anyone to support her or offer her a place to stay for a few weeks.
I don't know the answer. My first response is to feel stressed and inadequate. Then to do more assessment. What if there is another way to look at all of this?
Young mother is convinced that without moving to a particular area, her life is doomed. She is convinced she needs to detox from 15g of diazepam. She blames her daughter for getting in the way of her recovery and says so loud and clear. Mother and daughter love each other but resent one another too.
What if young mother were not so fixated on the solutions she has in her mind? What if she let go of detox, and began to make staying calm and and at peace within, her main goal? What if she surrendered the need to make things happen the way she thinks they should, and she could be happy anyway?
Especially to a down to earth social worker, who needs to be very pragmatic...
But reading in the Urtext about peace and mental health, it is very clear how the Course "scribes" were psychologists! Peace actually IS mental health and what the Course says seems very relevant to my personal journey and also in thinking about social work and clients.
"Peace is an attribute in YOU. You cannot find it outside. All mental illness is some form of EXTERNAL searching. Mental health is INNER peace. It enables you to remain unshaken by lack of love from without, and capable, through your own miracles, of correcting the external conditions, which proceed from lack of love in others."
Time, almost, to think about this in my life and in a client's life. For example the young mother who needs to detox, and has an 11 year old daughter who does not have anyone to support her or offer her a place to stay for a few weeks.
I don't know the answer. My first response is to feel stressed and inadequate. Then to do more assessment. What if there is another way to look at all of this?
Young mother is convinced that without moving to a particular area, her life is doomed. She is convinced she needs to detox from 15g of diazepam. She blames her daughter for getting in the way of her recovery and says so loud and clear. Mother and daughter love each other but resent one another too.
What if young mother were not so fixated on the solutions she has in her mind? What if she let go of detox, and began to make staying calm and and at peace within, her main goal? What if she surrendered the need to make things happen the way she thinks they should, and she could be happy anyway?
Perhaps the problems would just vanish and a new solution would emerge.
Well, she and her daughter would not need a social worker. And if it's true what I wrote about yesterday, that in Reality all is perfect, than the so called problems are not Real.
It feels amazing and liberating to write this. That this is the first step of spiritual social work.
Problems are not Real.
Everything that is confusing, upsetting, painful for my clients and myself is not Real. It is an absence of Love, and in young mother's case, her inner experience is of fear and lack of peace. So the first great gift I can offer, is to be Peace and to see Peace as her true state of being.
Of course all the problems seem very real and difficult. But at a soul level, they are just clouds of nothingness.
And maybe I've taken a very important step with this seeing...the first step of what I came into the world to do...spiritual social work. It's just spiritual problem solving. I can't make young mother change her mind but I can see the truth of her being and everything flows from that. I hold to Peace and don't get sidetracked into making her problem into a very big deal.
For the first time, I see the invitation to do this with all the situations at work. Seeing her mental pain, remembering the Soul and seeing it's beauty.
A new vision of social work....which IS at one with my spiritual path. Where I and my clients are on the same side, whether we know it or not.
Thursday 19 January 2012
At 3.53 a m again.
I hoped for 7 hours sleep tonight, so far I had 4. Then I'm awake and a to do list forms constantly in my mind. I am mildly anxious. Not a good state of mind, it's not well being, or Heaven! Oh and it's guilt as well as I have not done some, in fact many, things I should have done. Some are not that important, and if they never get done it will make no difference. Others could change a child's life.
Richard Wilson made a programme about our modern world, its use of technology and how that affects us. He did a section where he was dealing with a Call Centre. Waiting for a person to answer, getting the usual runaround. His heart rate was tested and it rose measurably, indicating stress. I wondered what would happen if this was done to me or other social workers during our working day!
One of the reasons for my anxiety/guilt feelings is that I have supervision today. How much do I say? Do I mention that "case" from November that I simply have not got round to? It is a case with a "shouty" mother, possibly neglect and certainly non cooperation. At least I met the girl on her own doorstep.It's one of those chronic situations with a lot of inertia all round.
I find getting a basic assessment done is one thing. Following through with actions is another. And we now have a new requirement that we have to do chronologies and genograms on any case we want to transfer. In fact we need to know so much about those cases that it amounts to practically a core assessment. Which is what we are transferring it for. It makes me think twice about transferring. This is probably what is intended, as we do only initial assessments allegedly. But if a case (that is a child, of course) needs more help, we have to do more work to be able to access the team that gives the help. Or try to do it ourselves, which means more things to do. Either way it is more work, without more hours in the day, and all the while being told this is normal for intake,you are inadequate if you cannot do it.
Aha, a deep breath, relaxation. Remembering who I AM. Not this restless mind listing its tasks, condemning itself, fearing judgement. This is a feeling, a state of mind, ego mind. It's wonderful work for someone on a spiritual path, as there is so much that ego can feed on! Many excuses to feel bad, punish myself, and at times have the outer world punish me too!
But through the a different lens, what do I see? Well, sometimes I glimpse the reality in my clients. Yesterday, there was the woman who wants a better life for her four sons, and she could easily be judged because of the wider family and the family history. She has created a loving home, and it's a long time since I saw children sitting round a table having a home cooked meal together. Of course this might well be for my benefit but there was a gentleness about these boys which tugged at my heartstrings. I liked, no, loved them all and their brave mother.
This week I have been so busy seeing people that there has not been time to do the writing up. And I have been trying out a new approach to doing the assessments, which will clarify things but it takes time to get used to it. The fearful thought it "I will never catch up." That is my social work reality, I will never catch up, never have time to do all the things I would love to do, and hardly have time to do the things I must do.
Remember the Reality beyond all this striving and busy-ness, the Reality beyond the parents who let their children down, and the system that creates impossible demands. Rest for a while, in the embrace of Reality where everything is already perfect. Done completely. Imagine that! Nothing to do. Perfect.
From a lovely website http://allspirit.co.uk/rilkeiam.html
Richard Wilson made a programme about our modern world, its use of technology and how that affects us. He did a section where he was dealing with a Call Centre. Waiting for a person to answer, getting the usual runaround. His heart rate was tested and it rose measurably, indicating stress. I wondered what would happen if this was done to me or other social workers during our working day!
One of the reasons for my anxiety/guilt feelings is that I have supervision today. How much do I say? Do I mention that "case" from November that I simply have not got round to? It is a case with a "shouty" mother, possibly neglect and certainly non cooperation. At least I met the girl on her own doorstep.It's one of those chronic situations with a lot of inertia all round.
I find getting a basic assessment done is one thing. Following through with actions is another. And we now have a new requirement that we have to do chronologies and genograms on any case we want to transfer. In fact we need to know so much about those cases that it amounts to practically a core assessment. Which is what we are transferring it for. It makes me think twice about transferring. This is probably what is intended, as we do only initial assessments allegedly. But if a case (that is a child, of course) needs more help, we have to do more work to be able to access the team that gives the help. Or try to do it ourselves, which means more things to do. Either way it is more work, without more hours in the day, and all the while being told this is normal for intake,you are inadequate if you cannot do it.
Aha, a deep breath, relaxation. Remembering who I AM. Not this restless mind listing its tasks, condemning itself, fearing judgement. This is a feeling, a state of mind, ego mind. It's wonderful work for someone on a spiritual path, as there is so much that ego can feed on! Many excuses to feel bad, punish myself, and at times have the outer world punish me too!
But through the a different lens, what do I see? Well, sometimes I glimpse the reality in my clients. Yesterday, there was the woman who wants a better life for her four sons, and she could easily be judged because of the wider family and the family history. She has created a loving home, and it's a long time since I saw children sitting round a table having a home cooked meal together. Of course this might well be for my benefit but there was a gentleness about these boys which tugged at my heartstrings. I liked, no, loved them all and their brave mother.
This week I have been so busy seeing people that there has not been time to do the writing up. And I have been trying out a new approach to doing the assessments, which will clarify things but it takes time to get used to it. The fearful thought it "I will never catch up." That is my social work reality, I will never catch up, never have time to do all the things I would love to do, and hardly have time to do the things I must do.
Remember the Reality beyond all this striving and busy-ness, the Reality beyond the parents who let their children down, and the system that creates impossible demands. Rest for a while, in the embrace of Reality where everything is already perfect. Done completely. Imagine that! Nothing to do. Perfect.
I am, O Anxious One. Don't you hear my voice
surging forth with all my earthly feelings?
They yearn so high, that they have sprouted wings
and whitely fly in circles round your face.
My soul, dressed in silence, rises up
and stands alone before you: can't you see?
don't you know that my prayer is growing ripe
upon your vision as upon a tree?
surging forth with all my earthly feelings?
They yearn so high, that they have sprouted wings
and whitely fly in circles round your face.
My soul, dressed in silence, rises up
and stands alone before you: can't you see?
don't you know that my prayer is growing ripe
upon your vision as upon a tree?
If you are the dreamer, I am what you dream.
But when you want to wake, I am your wish,
and I grow strong with all magnificence
and turn myself into a star's vast silence
above the strange and distant city, Time.
But when you want to wake, I am your wish,
and I grow strong with all magnificence
and turn myself into a star's vast silence
above the strange and distant city, Time.
From 'Ahead of All Parting:
The Selected Poetry and Prose of Rainer Maria Rilke'
Edited and Translated by Stephen Mitchell
The Selected Poetry and Prose of Rainer Maria Rilke'
Edited and Translated by Stephen Mitchell
From a lovely website http://allspirit.co.uk/rilkeiam.html
Wednesday 18 January 2012
Down to Earth with a Bump...?
It was all going so well! Since Christmas, I had a shift to a new perspective and way of being at work. So different. I was quite at peace and happy that everything was going to work out and it did not matter what happened...so long as I was doing the best I could and trusting in grace to supply the difference.
But yesterday I met my colleague/ friend Y and she was so upset. She has been told by management that she is basically not up to the mark. And I feel disturbed, that she has been given no support, just this cold, dismissive reaction. I know she is working hard. I know also that it's so much easier to criticize and pick out the failings than to be on the front line doing the work.
I feel angry that she is treated this way. And angry that I also got pulled up about having blank sections in my assessment. There is too much work, it is that simple. But then, as Y says she was told, some people manage it. Yes, some people do. So everyone should.
I feel guilty that I haven't been treated like this, and guilty that by "managing it" or seeming to, I can be pointed to by management who say, she can cope. What management say is realistic, is realistic. There is a power struggle, with management saying the workload is doable, and staff saying "It is not" but somehow seeming to cope. Those who do not seem to cope will suffer the consequences. The power struggle of whose definition of reality is valid.
This sparks off a kind of rage and helplessness.
It seems thoroughly unethical to me. To be able to give someone a bad reference after 3 months in a job which they have been dumped on and given an impossible workload...Making it difficult for them to move on. Not to mention the fear that this management style induces in the whole team.
On the same day comes the news that Essex council have to pay millions in compensation to the victims of child abuse. Their social workers did not intervene to protect some children whose father was known to have abused other children and they were subject to years of abuse.
Of course that is very sad. But to penalize a council in that way, with the ripple effect on how its social workers are perceived and how social work is generally perceived...seems a strange response. Where does the buck stop? This culture of entitlement costs society very dear. That money could have gone into training, investment (possibly in more social workers) with a "good will payment" and public apology to the individuals, and support to help them rebuild their lives. Now I as a social worker know that any individual can sue my employer for my mistakes....And the motivation for the work becomes fear, not love. If I am not very careful!
I woke again at 4 am to write this. Not the best preparation for a day which includes two potentially difficult visits to clients one of whom has already shouted at me down the phone.
Do I feel centered? Do I feel at peace? It feels like, back to the real world with a bump. And yet....I talk about the other reality here.
But yesterday I met my colleague/ friend Y and she was so upset. She has been told by management that she is basically not up to the mark. And I feel disturbed, that she has been given no support, just this cold, dismissive reaction. I know she is working hard. I know also that it's so much easier to criticize and pick out the failings than to be on the front line doing the work.
I feel angry that she is treated this way. And angry that I also got pulled up about having blank sections in my assessment. There is too much work, it is that simple. But then, as Y says she was told, some people manage it. Yes, some people do. So everyone should.
I feel guilty that I haven't been treated like this, and guilty that by "managing it" or seeming to, I can be pointed to by management who say, she can cope. What management say is realistic, is realistic. There is a power struggle, with management saying the workload is doable, and staff saying "It is not" but somehow seeming to cope. Those who do not seem to cope will suffer the consequences. The power struggle of whose definition of reality is valid.
This sparks off a kind of rage and helplessness.
It seems thoroughly unethical to me. To be able to give someone a bad reference after 3 months in a job which they have been dumped on and given an impossible workload...Making it difficult for them to move on. Not to mention the fear that this management style induces in the whole team.
On the same day comes the news that Essex council have to pay millions in compensation to the victims of child abuse. Their social workers did not intervene to protect some children whose father was known to have abused other children and they were subject to years of abuse.
Of course that is very sad. But to penalize a council in that way, with the ripple effect on how its social workers are perceived and how social work is generally perceived...seems a strange response. Where does the buck stop? This culture of entitlement costs society very dear. That money could have gone into training, investment (possibly in more social workers) with a "good will payment" and public apology to the individuals, and support to help them rebuild their lives. Now I as a social worker know that any individual can sue my employer for my mistakes....And the motivation for the work becomes fear, not love. If I am not very careful!
I woke again at 4 am to write this. Not the best preparation for a day which includes two potentially difficult visits to clients one of whom has already shouted at me down the phone.
Do I feel centered? Do I feel at peace? It feels like, back to the real world with a bump. And yet....I talk about the other reality here.
Sunday 15 January 2012
Supposing
Not so much a post, more a poem. Still grappling with a whole different foundation for work. I know there are rational, pyschological challenges but something in me has shifted in relation to the job....and these lines express the sense of possibility. I don't know how it will work out in practical terms and I do know that it is a challenge to live, love and work like this but I am now willing, open to grace, and listening to the Voice for Life within me.
Supposing.
Supposing I really did my job as an expression of love.
Supposing when I set out to visit a client, I intend to be a channel of love.
Supposing I intend to bless them, without ever using the word.
Just suppose.
Supposing I regard every parent, every colleague, every manager, every child, and myself
as being an essential piece in the Cosmic Jigsaw.
Would I start the week with a different attitude?
Would I be grateful for the opportunities I have to serve?
Would I be confident that I will be able to make a difference?
Supposing that every problem is a call for more love,
and that every problem has a solution, because love cannot fail.
What if my real task is to allow a miracle of love to unfold,
quietly, powerfully, peacefully.
What if all I need to do is say, yes, I am willing...
and I forgive
the system
the frantic busyness,
the open plan office,
the ridiculous bureacracy,
the faults and failings of others....
Because I know that they are just human beings too,
on a journey as I am.
What if I remembered
that everyone can be stressed, frightened, tired, and disheartened.
How would I speak then?
What would I say?
What would I do?
Supposing I am blessed to know who I really am...
How would my work change?
How would my life change?
I wonder if there is no need to suppose any longer....?
Supposing it is no longer possible to dream or hope,
What then? (Update 18.08.18)
Supposing.
Supposing I really did my job as an expression of love.
Supposing when I set out to visit a client, I intend to be a channel of love.
Supposing I intend to bless them, without ever using the word.
Just suppose.
Supposing I regard every parent, every colleague, every manager, every child, and myself
as being an essential piece in the Cosmic Jigsaw.
Would I start the week with a different attitude?
Would I be grateful for the opportunities I have to serve?
Would I be confident that I will be able to make a difference?
Supposing that every problem is a call for more love,
and that every problem has a solution, because love cannot fail.
What if my real task is to allow a miracle of love to unfold,
quietly, powerfully, peacefully.
What if all I need to do is say, yes, I am willing...
and I forgive
the system
the frantic busyness,
the open plan office,
the ridiculous bureacracy,
the faults and failings of others....
Because I know that they are just human beings too,
on a journey as I am.
What if I remembered
that everyone can be stressed, frightened, tired, and disheartened.
How would I speak then?
What would I say?
What would I do?
Supposing I am blessed to know who I really am...
How would my work change?
How would my life change?
I wonder if there is no need to suppose any longer....?
Supposing it is no longer possible to dream or hope,
What then? (Update 18.08.18)
Saturday 7 January 2012
Launching out...2012
It's been a while since my last post. I reached a point where I did not want to write the same old stuff. Also, there was a challenge in my life, a spiritual challenge. Most of my life I've been on a spiritual quest. It was something I shelved for a while. God wasn't doing what I wanted, I was overwhelmed and angry at work. Then glimmers of light appeared and I realized I would have to start being explicit about all of this in this blog or it was not going to be authentic.
This was scary. I've had a spiritual life, which had truckled along on its own track, and a social work/ reality life,which was on its own track. They were on seemingly parallel lines, so that you won't find much mention of spirituality until a couple of posts ago. But in late November I knew.... nope, can't carry on writing at any depth about my job, without including the spiritual aspect.
That means the blog might not be just about my social work reality any more, but my whole life reality. So should I start another blog? Or just allow this one to be spiritual? What does it matter?
OK, that is just picking up the threads, I explore it a bit more here.
So yesterday I was walking to a client's home. I had a choice of ways, since I did not know if her house was at one end of the street or the other. I chose what I thought was the right way. I realized it was probably not the shortest way. But I passed a shopfront for a bereavement charity, went in and got some leaflets. I was thinking this was a bit silly....I could get the information online. Still, the leaflets were tucked into my bag...
I did the interview with the client and she mentioned that her father had died some years ago and she still found it hard....I was surprised and felt so reassured. I hadn't known this would be an issue for this client, but my Higher Self/ Holy Spirit did and I felt I'd been prepared. So I left her with a leaflet....
The whole day, I was at times asking to be guided. I have so many cases, I have to trust that I will have nudges about things. In fact one of the big shifts in my consciousness is to accept the system is crazy. There is no point in resenting that. It is what it is. And I can choose to align myself with peace, joy and the will of God, no matter how the craziness is playing out around me. That is the challenge I have somehow accepted now. It is so strange how a burden has lifted, and I feel like I am on a path now, not just going round in circles. Not before time....and probably just at the right time.
So from now on, this will be a focus of this blog....spirituality and social work in my life.
This was scary. I've had a spiritual life, which had truckled along on its own track, and a social work/ reality life,which was on its own track. They were on seemingly parallel lines, so that you won't find much mention of spirituality until a couple of posts ago. But in late November I knew.... nope, can't carry on writing at any depth about my job, without including the spiritual aspect.
That means the blog might not be just about my social work reality any more, but my whole life reality. So should I start another blog? Or just allow this one to be spiritual? What does it matter?
OK, that is just picking up the threads, I explore it a bit more here.
So yesterday I was walking to a client's home. I had a choice of ways, since I did not know if her house was at one end of the street or the other. I chose what I thought was the right way. I realized it was probably not the shortest way. But I passed a shopfront for a bereavement charity, went in and got some leaflets. I was thinking this was a bit silly....I could get the information online. Still, the leaflets were tucked into my bag...
I did the interview with the client and she mentioned that her father had died some years ago and she still found it hard....I was surprised and felt so reassured. I hadn't known this would be an issue for this client, but my Higher Self/ Holy Spirit did and I felt I'd been prepared. So I left her with a leaflet....
The whole day, I was at times asking to be guided. I have so many cases, I have to trust that I will have nudges about things. In fact one of the big shifts in my consciousness is to accept the system is crazy. There is no point in resenting that. It is what it is. And I can choose to align myself with peace, joy and the will of God, no matter how the craziness is playing out around me. That is the challenge I have somehow accepted now. It is so strange how a burden has lifted, and I feel like I am on a path now, not just going round in circles. Not before time....and probably just at the right time.
So from now on, this will be a focus of this blog....spirituality and social work in my life.
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