Another week over, another couple of days respite. It's been a while since I wrote anything here. Sometimes it's just very hard to find the place in myself to write from. Since I started sharing the blog, maybe I am too self conscious, wanting to look good, even when I don't feel good!
The truth is that recently my boss has been reading assessments I wrote in November and December and is not always very happy with them. The agency expects an OFSTED inspection any time now and the pressure on us to dot the "i's" and cross the "t's" is so high.
My colleague/ friend I mentioned not too long ago handed in her notice. She doesn't have a job to go to, but with all the pressure and the lack of support she just could not tolerate being scrutinized and judged. It's so hard to see because I know there is another side to the story. Perhaps her work really is not up to scratch. I doubt that very much,having worked with her over a period of 2 years previously and not heard any complaints! I am not sure my own work is really no better, I may just have had a slightly more supportive manager. Or because I am older and look like a very typical social worker, I get a bit more rope than my rather more glamorous, younger colleague!
I just wish she (and I) had had a bit more real support. For example, to be sent out with the "best" social workers in our first week or two, (ie those who apparently manage to meet all the deadlines), to have an induction designed for the job and not a vague, go and read and get on with it sort of thing. After all 5 of us were starting at the same time, it would have been worth planning for us properly! I wish we'd been made familiar with scanning documents so that it was automatic before we ever saw a client. I wish that there was a 1 day training on how to do the initial assessments in the most effective and efficient way. Instead, what has happened is basically we have been left to sink or swim.
Out of the people who started with me, my friend has "sunk". I have "sunk", with my head occasionally bobbing up above the water. Another is leaving for family reasons but is clear that she thinks there is a huge management issue. Another is going to do her level best to get through the probation period, and then will relax. She is angry, disillusioned and taking a good deal of sick leave and all the annual leave she can.
She made the point the other day that everyone is so busy they don't record the extra hours they work. She said that this means there is no evidence for how much we are working, as far as management are concerned. And of course she is right.And the other who started with us is also falling behind, starting work at 5.30 am and working far into the night to try to keep up. This person has a work permit and a loan from the Council so has very limited options. Like at least 6 other social workers out of 14.
It is just mindboggling how the job actually is. The bureaucracy that slows everything down and is so frustrating for clients and staff. On Thursday I got 3 or 4 emails from my manager wanting things added to or changed in some assessments from November. I can hardly remember the cases, now I have to "resurrect" them and do more work, on top of current work............
Thursday was a very difficult day. I felt completely thrown off kilter. With so many urgent things to do, I literally could not think straight. I tried to work faster, and was the last person in the office at 9pm. I did not even notice that it had snowed. I had the thought that I could just have stayed there and worked all night, or been stranded by the snow, unable to get home. No one would have noticed.
Every week or so, there is a list sent round with assessments that are out of date. My name was never on it till after Christmas, now there are 4 or so. Of those, some I have done the required visits but not had time to write up, some I forgot to copy and paste to a sibling. But with the amount of work coming in now, I do not know how I will catch up. What to do?
I got home at 10pm on Thursday evening, stressed and tired. I did not sleep well and in the morning really thought about taking the day off sick. But I had an appointment arranged with a reluctant client, one which we had actually discussed and I did not want to risk missing it. On the way to the train station she rang to say she would not be there. I almost went back home but decided to carry on. I still felt so reluctant to get in that I did go and have a cup of coffee and phoned a social work friend. Her job is better paid, much less stressful and it is agreed she can work from home two days a week. It sort of helped to know that a similar team in a different Local Authority is a happy place to work!
When I got to the office at 11 am, ( 2hours Time Off In Lieu) I was told a client had presented herself to a social work office in another area. She had no money for her two children and half term was imminent. To cut a long story short, my whole day from 11 am to 7pm consisted of dealing with that one situation, with just a few calls on another "old" case, one discussion with a GP about a baby, and a lunch break of 45 minutes.
The final phone call in relation to the case was from the client I spent most of the day working on so that the case could transfer to the other LA. If I'd been expecting gratitude I would have been sorely disappointed. She phoned at 6.30pm basically to demand that she gets reimbursed for a payment she made to a playscheme and to tell me how glad she is that she will be dealing with another Local Authority. Lovely end to the week. And all the urgent things (which are to do with children's lives) which had freaked me out the previous day? Not a chance even to think about them. But yesterday evening at home I did re do my weekly to do list, so that I can start again on Monday with a bit of clarity.
The inner story though is quite interesting.I've moved it to my ACIM space.
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