Not 4 a m again!

Yes it is. Once again I am awake at 4 am, with thoughts of the myriad undone tasks buzzing about like bees. Which one will end up stinging me? Is any client at risk through what I am doing, or not doing?  I quickly gave up on my work organization system, it's too cumbersome, and too time consuming. I have just concentrated on getting things done, but with a mushrooming caseload it's a nightmare.

How to keep track of old cases I have mentally finished with but they are still open to me for one or more bureaucratic tasks... When I have new cases to go and visit and new checks to get done. It is a nightmare. I feel as if I am doing two jobs, one is vaguely like social work, the other is the relentless paperwork which could be done by almost anyone who can print out a letter or fathom how to send a fax via the telephone, when the system saves documents in a format which it won't deal with as a fax. This makes getting information from GPs, for instance, quite a palaver.

Yesterday I went for a coffee with a colleague who is under serious pressure from her manager, she described a lot of nit picking which seems designed to cause her to lose confidence and possible move on from the job. Picking her up on things...

How rare that conversation was! One hour of real discussion. We joined at the same time, have been quite close, and this is the first time we really spoke. I cried,  what has become of this profession? So many managers really seem to enjoy the power they have and it is not combined with compassion.

When I think of the time wasted on our induction, when surely we should have been set up with the tools and information we need to do the job, but weren't! But there is a corporate requirement for that 2 week induction so something had to be done. It included days of reading time and going to find places like the Job Centre. Not how to use ICS, or adjust to working in a paperless environment....for example.

So we are still scrabbling around trying to find out stuff like how to send an email to the police.Learning all these systems, when I am busy and stressed. So emotionally unintelligent. It was another worker who send me a step by step guide to sending this email, which is a fundamental part of the child protection process, not business support or managers.

I am looking for another job, and I want out of statutory social work. It is not a good place to be.

Sunday Extra

"My only advice......is to merely accept where you are. Granted, its not ideal, but accept it and surrender to it. Realize this is where you are. It may not be what you want long term, but by focusing on the future and what you want changed, you actually make your present moment worse. So stop, look at where you are, know it won't last forever, and accept it. Find the beauty in it. Find how much it means to help your family for instance. Find how much it means to be healthy and happy and not one of those dependent and unable to help themselves.

The more you appreciate where you are, the more quickly you can change your circumstances.

Remember...that which you resist, persists."

This is a quote from a site I belong to online....inspired by a spiritual teacher called Mike Dooley.  I have belonged to it for a long time, but hardly ever look into. I "dropped in" in a casual way, on my way to writing here again. It's 4.39 am and I woke up with thoughts of work, and life....so time to write again.  

Yesterday I emailed a good friend about my decision to do some work at home. She responded that it was a good decision and commented..."what we resist, persists." I felt that kind of "ouch" of recognition. I certainly have resisted the idea of working at home and also much of the job, I resist!  

So  when I came across the same quote on this web forum I knew, yes, it's important to explore this. No coincidence here! This is my personal journey, and social work is the "work" bit of my reality. It's true I've had a lot of grumbles and complaints but the thing is, it's not just work, it's life. And I was conscious this week of how being angry may feel empowering in the short term, but how does it affect others? And how does it square with my values and aspirations?


So as it's a Sunday, I want to write about spirituality and life and social work. Yes, I think there are issues about how the job is organized now. I think that it is quite a crazy system. But it is also true that it is what it is and it is likely to be the same for some time. I am in no different a situation than many people who find themselves today doing work they'd rather not, for less than adequate pay. The details may be different but that's the nub of it. 


No different to the person stuck in a loveless marriage, or in a burdensome caring role, or with a physical disability......or with debts.....the stuck, burdensome situation looks different for each person but it has that characteristic of seeming unchangeable and relentless. 


I have a situation where, to keep up with my not very inspiring work, it makes sense to do more of it, in my "free" time, in order to stay on top of recording and producing assessments. Either I do that, or I spend time and energy feeling anxious, worried and trying to remember details from days ago.  Until now, I have resisted this aspect of my job. 


Yesterday, I did some of that dreaded extra work. It was not so bad, from 4.30pm to 8 and then another 20 mins during ad breaks to finish off whilst my favourite TV show was on.  And now, the bones of a weeks work are more or less written up. 


I was grateful to my friend for what she wrote. I have been an intense spiritual seeker all my life, and finding myself in the one situation which I did not want (back in statutory social work) is a huge challenge to my faith. I have had the idea that my life would change radically, outwardly, and I would escape the drudgery of the job...again.  And start my real life, where I could show what a truly wonderful spiritual being I am. 


But the truth is, I need to live now in a way that expresses who I really am. I've been aware that the anger and resentment that I feel have an impact at work. They affect my colleagues and clients too.  They don't see the inside, the "why" of what I feel, they see, and sense, an energy of anger and negativity. 


I still feel it a dilemma though. If I let go of the resentment and be in harmony with what is.....does that not let "the system" off the hook?  And if I can be joyful in the job, doesn't that mean that it's OK for everyone? 


There is a spiritual law here, "what you resist, persists." After all, Viktor Frankl was in a concentration camp but chose to "say yes to life."  It is easy to say yes when life hands us the bowl of cherries. But perhaps life will hand only the lemons....lemons of long working hours, open plan offices,  pressing deadlines.....all the things I've struggled with. Can I accept this lemons and in some way transform them?  Allow them to be what they are and yet transform them into something beautiful? 


Some time ago, I gave a talk on moving from Trauma to Triumph in life. I said to my manager this week, it's been traumatic. And it has. Trauma is fundamentally about separation. I think I have fully experienced that stage. Now it's time to move on. I have said it how it is.....I know that the acceptance is vital and means I can begin to be kind to myself and remember, there is a journey from Trauma to Triumph, no matter what the circumstances.


So yesterday I went shopping and bought a project book, in which I can organize each case, with its own to do list. A small step of acceptance. This is what I need to do for myself to be on top of the job. I wrote case notes at home, in a relaxed way....a step of acceptance. And I accept the need to do the job without complaining to colleagues in the office. It does none of us good, when I complain.

It feels good to have reconnected with the spiritual side of life in a way that includes the job! Remembering that my life, my particular life, is about being joyful, no matter what.  Joy that is based on the fundamental goodness of reality, no matter how it appears.  I have the opportunity to do that in the challenging world of social work. Maybe it is even a blessing. And what I resist, will persist!

Saturday Sanity

The last post was written at one of my lowest points and I might end up deleting it.  It came about purely through tiredness and trying to do too much. Two visits in a day is enough. It does not sound like much, but these are intensely demanding visits, quite often to clients who are angry, puzzled and resistant. It takes an emotional toll and there has to be recovery time. Otherwise I will become overwhelmed, confused and arrive at clients' homes with a mind full of information which I have not had a chance to process as the system requires.
I have just about  decided that it is not possible to maintain a normal work life balance and do this job. There is so much writing up to do and so little time to do it, with all the other tasks that have to be done in terms of contacting other professionals, making referrals, sending out letters, uploading correspondence.....these take all my time. Actually writing up the assessments is not difficult, if I don't leave it for a week after the visit.
So this weekend I am going to do some work at home. And if the TV is on in the background, never mind!  Then I can copy and paste at the office, amidst the hubbub, and do "bitty" work, admin and phone calls at the office. At least at home I have peace and quiet, and pleasant surroundings.
I will keep track though, of just how many hours I am doing this for, and it is an adjustment I've resisted as it is an erosion of free time. But it is pointless having free time in which I get worried and stressed just remembering all that I have to do.
I had supervision yesterday and I do like my manager, which helps. I think if he knows I am trying, he will be as kind as he can about piling on the pressure. But as he says, he is not in charge of allocation to his team. It just continues.....though he can say, not to this worker this week, perhaps!  He said the culture of the LA is not to try to keep people or move them round if they aren't happy. He also advised going on training.
So yesterday I got up in the early hours and drafted a closing letter about a case.....on of my first, and I had not given information about resources quickly. That is the other thing, do that, do referrals, as part of the assessment, don't wait for assessment to be approved because then the energy goes out of it. It's all about striking while the iron is hot, and getting it closed!
Being in the moment, I suppose. Knowing what resources are around in the LA....all of which does take time.
But perhaps if I can work in a slightly different way, while I am getting used to the systems, the printer, being paperless etc, it will be not quite so intolerable. After all, this is my precious life and I don't want to waste it complaining and resenting things that just are. And in the meantime, I downloaded an application form for another job.....  Looking for a "spiritual" slant here, I came across this quote in connection with the underlying theme of spirituality and my life as a social worker:

"Spiritual resilience is not being hardened to the point where you ignore or deny circumstance. But using your most challenging life experiences, like the akido warrior who uses humor and flexibility, to respond and–if necessary–remake yourself."   
Find the original
here

“What’s really important in life? Sitting on a beach? Looking at television eight hours a day? I think we have to appreciate that we’re alive for only a limited period of time, and we’ll spend most of our lives working.

That being the case, I believe one of the most important priorities is to do whatever we do as well as we can. We should take pride in that.”

~Victor Kiam

Definitely not all right Jack!

Shit hitting fan today.  Too much to do. Results: so late for an appointment that I had to abandon it. getting on bus to wrong address. Retracing steps, not knowing what to do, stand about futilely for a while. Give up and go home and beat myself up. No phone numbers on me to phone either client. Deadline tomorrow on one of them. Should I just make it all up, I went, I saw, I conquered and I did the damn reports before the deadlines!
Of course I would not do that, too afraid of getting caught for one thing. But how annoying to be so controlled by deadly deadlines.
And thought I didn't have notes from yesterday at home with me, so thought I couldn't write up report from yesterday.... I had them all the time, just not accessible.
Two more little conversations, my friend R. is angry, feels she is being abused by the work.  X is "over my head" with work, and even MJ says she is struggling. I was close to speaking up in the Team Meeting. Young colleagus S. says, we get cut down for speaking up, or they say they'll do something and don't. It must be a "health and safety" issue...
So, instead of writing up a report, I filled in another job application and also contacted fostering agency. I am almost ready to launch out again into the unknown. Life is too short to be nothing but a human info. robot. And I don't enjoy telling people what to do. I must get out of statutory social work before I lose the will to live entirely!

A poem for the month and entirely in tune with this bleak mood, especially going on  a visit to a bleak housing estate on a cold, dark, wet November evening:

November

by Thomas Hood

No sun--no moon!
No morn--no noon!
No dawn--no dusk--no proper time of day--
No sky--no earthly view--
No distance looking blue--

No road--no street--
No "t'other side the way"--
No end to any Row--
No indications where the Crescents go--

No top to any steeple--
No recognitions of familiar people--
No courtesies for showing 'em--
No knowing 'em!

No mail--no post--
No news from any foreign coast--
No park--no ring--no afternoon gentility--
No company--no nobility--

No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member--
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds,
November!

I'm all right, Jack?

This week was not bad, for me. I was free to do visits, not desk bound and tied to the office as you are on duty, except when there is a crisis. I started doing write ups etc immediately afterwards. It is much easier, though it means I am wondering when to do the stuff I was given earlier...more deciphering of the hieroglyphics called my notes. 

And when am I going to upload all the documents I have received? Now that we are paperless, it’s  a whole new way of working. I got a half day training in it, but it would takes time and practice for doing this to become automatic and that time I have not been allowed. So I will have to bite the bull by the horns ! and stop the flow of my work to start adding documents to the system. Including about 10 documents I was sent by the FCO on a case. 

It’s a heart sinking feeling. I could keep an admin assistant busy for 2 or 3 days a week, and that is what puts so much pressure on me and all of us. So I was up at 1 am  one night this week designing forms to support me in doing things efficiently. I do want to feel I am as efficient as possible.... The lure of being seen to cope is so seductive.

But do I really like this efficient me? My lips set in a firm line, that says, don’t mess with me. Head down as I work, not wanting to be interrupted by anyone, including colleagues who need help! But they’ve been getting so busy, they have pretty much stopped “bothering” me. Who wants to interrupt someone who is clearly typing “against the clock?.”  I know I don't.

A kind of hardness is setting in. And I see it in the lack of a sense of humour. The fear of speaking the truth. The slight glee that so far, I haven’t been late with an assessment. It is seductive!  A strange desire to be so ruthlessly efficient, that nothing is late, that my back is covered, that all the boxes are ticked....Actually helping a child is somehow an extra, to be done if it can be fitted in to my jam packed schedule of minutiae. 

So I didn’t feel "bad" this week. Coping? Numb? In denial? In some kind of spiritually protected space where the cares of this life don't really bother me? I am just not sure. And I am not sure it's healthy!

It’s kind of a game, working out the shortest ways of doing things, how to write something so it can be reused, and just “get the freaking work done.” To quote a manager. Or did I imagine that? Perhaps, but it is the attitude.  

However yesterday in the kitchen, despite the risk of being interrupted by a manager, and obviously then the sky would fall in, three of us had a chat. Me and two young social workers, qualified about a year. One said our Team Manager wanted her to finish an IA, even when she was off sick. And if you are not in, you will continue to get work allocated to you. She never stops thinking about work. She works till midnight sometimes to get things done. 

The other young social worker said she also was struggling and could not keep up with it all. She said she worried about some cases which she thought were child protection, but managers want to minimize everything. But, she said, it is our name on the assessment and we will be blamed if things go wrong.

I said I took some shortcuts, I don’t write case notes about every single thing I do!  You could have knocked them down with a feather. One said, but what if something happened? So I then said, well I do write it if it is going to make a difference. But I might write 2 lines not 10 and say “see assessment.”   They still looked slightly appalled! I also said what I could about human beings not being perfect. I don't know if it helped....and I was still keen to get on with it, set lips and all.

In Care Space, an online forum for social workers, I am tracking a thread “Stress: Am I Burning Out?” I am definitely not alone in thinking the system is crazy. It’s what to do about it that is beginning to occupy my mind.

Suggestions:

Leave and get less stressful job....

Sue employers

Get Health & Safety in to do an audit. 

I think we should tell the government that social workers are not able to cope and are not doing the job we are paid to do, because there is no time to do things properly, no freedom to make proper choices and no respect for us from our own managers. 

I also just came across this link to a Guardian series on Work Life Balance http://www.guardian.co.uk/worklifeuk/work-life-balance-uk   It reminded me that this is not just about social workers, but we seem not to be mentioned in dispatches. I suppose we are only remembered when something goes very wrong.

 

I remember discussing with a friend what it means to be in social work these days, for me personally. She said that the Sufis say that this is a time of collapse, a light has gone out. The light of an era. Things won’t get better, the whole civilization is falling apart. My friend said that what I am doing is “being there” and being conscious of the process. This teaching says that there is no point trying to change things, it is just too late. Social work, teaching, nursing, medicine, all ruined professions in a collapsing civilization.

In some way just being there is said, in this teaching, to be an important service to offer. I hope so. But there is precious little time to be aware of anything, even though I believe it is vital.....And I did take a short lunch break 3 times this week, just for this reason. Time now to relax and allow myself to be a human being, just being, or who does things at a human pace,  not a human being trying her best to be a  robotic human information processor. 

And as I've mentioned Sufis, here is a poem by the wondrous Rumi. Nurture for the soul.

Only Breath

Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu

Buddhist, sufi, or zen. Not any religion


or cultural system. I am not from the East

or the West, not out of the ocean or up


from the ground, not natural or ethereal, not

composed of elements at all. I do not exist,


am not an entity in this world or in the next,

did not descend from Adam and Eve or any


origin story. My place is placeless, a trace

of the traceless. Neither body or soul.


I belong to the beloved, have seen the two

worlds as one and that one call to and know,

first, last, outer, inner, only that

breath breathing human being.



From Essential Rumi
by Coleman Barks

Monday....the week starts here.

Well, I've had worse days. Really. Today was writing up of interviews and the truth was I struggled to remember some visits that I did last week. The details were blurry. Somehow when I am I listening to a child's account of what has happened, I don't want to be writing notes, I want to be listening. At the time I don't think I can possibly forget, but today showed that I can and I do.

After an inner struggle, not wanting to lose face, I asked my colleague who was there also to help me remember. She also had not made notes, for the same reason, not wanting to put a child off telling her story by writing it down as she spoke.

But together we put something resembling her story together and I did it on my own for 2 other children's accounts. The trouble is, they don't tend to be all that coherent, or easy to follow. It made me realize, I am there as an authority, a representative of the Local Authority. I do need to get things right. It's a bit of a dilemma though and with my training as a counsellor, and years of experience in that, it's not always easy to be as probing as I need to be.

Comments all around about the job, one person back on duty today after being off sick last week. She said it was just because she hadn't been looking after herself properly. And it was both great and terrible to hear C....say that he did not take work home, have a mobile  and that long term work is more stressful as they do everything, Child Protection, Core Assessments, Court work! His view was that in intake everything we do leads to a completion of our  work, everything a person in long term work does, creates more work.  He also said, jokingly he likes intake as he doesn't like people...and that in LAC and other long term work he had a terrible time as he did everything. He thinks that Chairs like to create long lists of things to do to keep people busy but when they had done them all, and it hasn't helped, they don't know what to do.

So in the 4th week of the job we finally have a 5 minute chat and I feel I have begun to get to know a colleague at long last.
Oh and my not quite qualified colleague gets allocated the case we visited on Friday. The mother of the child told her she wants us just to take her, or she will send her back to Jamaica.
Our manager is so busy trying to process the tasks on ICS that he clearly does not really want to be disturbed with questions from any of us.....but we must ask!
I managed to leave at 6pm.....wonderful!

Sunday at 5pm

The reprieve is nearly over. Like social workers across the land, probably, I am realizing that Monday and the working week are looming! I feel daunted at what lies ahead, going back on Duty, with no write ups done on the 3 CP investigations I began last week. But when was I going to do them? I worked till after 7pm on both Thursday and Friday. I was tired out by Friday night.

And now I am a bit worried. Will I remember well enough to do the recording properly? Did I take enough notes? Which police officer was with which case?  The memories are there, some notes are there, but once again not having time to record the work within the working day is so annoying. I don't see why there isn't a structuring of work time so that we work more of a shift pattern, like the police. Beginning later, finishing later when it is so likely that we will start a CP enquiry in the late afternoon.

I thought about doing some of it at home yesterday, or today, but really I need time to relax and recover. I am paid to work 37 hours per week, and not to sit for hours at the weekend writing case notes!. I know people do, and perhaps I will have to as well, but I feel very resistant. I want to enjoy free time and it's important to be able to switch off.

My partner and I were discussing this whole situation and I mentioned that many social workers (25%) have second jobs, as recently reported here.  He was amazed, as was I. How on earth do they do it for one thing? I suspect it might be more adult sector social workers.  I was hoping to do some extra work, assessment of Foster Carers, but it's just totally out of the question!  As it is, I need the full weekend to have any chance of recovery. Such an exciting life that I lead...

The week-end looked like this: 

I come home on Friday night about 8.15pm, switch on the TV and relax. On Satuday I write my blog in the morning,   as I woke at 6.30 any way. I also relax in the garden, and watch TV in the evening. Today I thought of going out, but the thought of any traveling or having to get anywhere on time is so much like work. that I can't bear it!..Instead,  I did some "serious" reading in bed in the morning and enjoyed the sunshine in the garden in the afternoon,  when I admit I was chivvied outside by my partner!

This is quite typical.At the weekend I don't arrange social events, I don't talk much to neglected friends or family.  So I am not spending any money, incidentally. If I am at all typical of stressed out public sector workers, overworking us is probably not so good for the economy, never mind family or community life.
 I live like a hermit to compensate and recover. It saves time and  money. So I do very little business in the local shops, or any shops for that matter, except for essentials.

In fact I haven't even gone shopping for some warmer clothes, an extra pair of shoes, or had my hair cut. All of which I could do with. Colleagues must already be quite tired seeing me recycle my 3 or 4 work outfits..If they have time to notice, which is doubtful. So if the economy is depending on me, its prospects are definitely even more dire than people think! 

What a difference to  life years ago! A weekend would not have been complete without a dinner party or a social event of some sort. Saturday afternoon shopping was a ritual. Nowadays a trip to the cinema or a meal out would be a major event!  Of course some of it is to do with my age and personal preference.   But do my colleagues have the time, energy or money to do "normal" things at the week end, like having fun with their families? It's very hard to imagine.

About this particular  weekend.... it has all been with a niggle of guilt!  I should have got recording done. Imagine having another job....not even to have a whole two days recovery time!....my current job is more than full time already. Imagine feeling guilty that I have not done work at home this weekend! And not just guilty, but anxious about when and how I am going to do it.

The possible repercussions cross my mind. What if something happens to one of those children and I haven't recorded what I did and why I did it?  Not that I think anything bad will happen, as I was satisfied that the risk to the children was quite low. But I can imagine times when the risk might have been higher.  This is one reason why people do work till 10pm and carry a constant  anxiety. 
.
But I know myself and my limits! I know how exhausted I will become if I don't rest, body and soul, at the weekend.So mostly I let go of the anxiety and enjoyed my free time. Now as the evening approaches, work does loom, but I feel able to cope because I have rested.
But exhausted people don't rest, they don't think straight, and they make mistakes. I'd rather be rested, refreshed and able to make sensible decisions, than have everything recorded to a T and be too tired to think straight. It isn't just a practical matter though. It's a question of whether I have the right to a life outside work, or not? I happen to think I do. It's a basic human right, surely. Enough free time to reconnect  with the the joy of being,  a human being, not a human robot.

Response to a Colleague

I read a post on a social work forum by someone who said she was not coping and asked if she was burnt out. This is my slightly edited response.
" I am so angry about what has been done to the profession and what is happening to my colleagues and me. I joined it in the early '80s so I remember pre ICS social work. You know, it was OK. We had reasonable caseloads and time to think and discuss things. It's RIDICULOUS what has happened and I wish that at the time I'd been bold enough to shout about it!
Instead I left! But I saw the trend. It's a long story but  I rejoined after 10 years hoping for a little improvement. Instead I find it like a nightmare! Why on earth did I go back? I keep thinking, this can't be real. Professionals being treated like naughty, irresponsible children who just can't be trusted, but let's keep giving them more and more work and maybe that will make things better.Funny if it wasn't so tragic. I've got my ways of coping and one of those is a commitment to my own wellbeing no matter what. One way I cope is to write, mostly about the ridiculousness. It helps me keep a sense of perspective and, well, you never know, one day it could be evidence to use  in suing someone or defending myself.
We are dictated to by the ICS system which makes management by deadlines so easy. It is crazy that when management decide to pretty up their statistics, (if an Ofsted inspection is due for example), they can say all IAs to be done in the required 10 days...or else, veiled threats and pressure applied by Team Managers. Too bad about the quality of the work..It is so stupid. Up the pressure, down the morale, up the risk. Insane. The system is insane. Social work (especially frontline children's services) has become a tyranny. and there's so much hypocrisy. F........, like almost every social worker I know where I am currently working, is enduring an iniquitous system.
One colleague last week said "This is slavery" and I've often thought so too. It's "command and control"  social work ( Term used by in Signs of Safety, Turnell & Edwards)   I'm wary of "stress management" approaches, whick do not tackle the core problem of lack of resources coupled with ludicrous expectations. Talk all you like about protecting children, but if you don't put money into it and if you overwork your staff, you really don't mean it, Mr Gove or whoever else. Pretending that it's all down to individual social workers performance and let's blame and shame the social worker is so handy.
I agree with S.......   about anger. After all even Jesus cast the moneychangers out of the temple! I am the mildest of people on the surface but there is an anger in me that says, you can't hoodwink me into thinking that open plan offices are good for social workers, that it's ok to work regularly till 10pm at home or at the office, never take a lunch break,  it's OK that I should have an undoable caseload, and that ICS is a real boon in the way it is used! 
Without that detachment, I would totally "buy in" to the It's Your Fault, You Bad, brainwashing. And I do at times, not being superwoman, and then I really don't feel good....It's a bright red light to stop and get outside the system, mentally. See it for what it is, Emperor's New Clothes.
And it is all totally unnecessary! I came into the profession to help people. Why should I be bullied and persecuted about minutiae? If an IA is late, so what? if it's a real risk, you act. The rest can wait!  The Government should never have legislated about our practice in that way. When supervision becomes about the management checklist, and the "practice issues" slot in a team meeting is a knuckle rapping about ICS, then if you haven't got a team manager who at least understands (even if they have to toe the party line outwardly).....I'd move on asap.
And  maybe I'll rejoin BASW again and shout this time! I like the idea of calling in Health and Safety. It's all so Orwellian, just a little later than 1984. Perhaps we could do something revolutionary. Any ideas? I think we have to connect somehow. Unity is power!"

Tips for Staying Sane in Social Work

Phew! It's Saturday morning again, a brief respite begins for the weary social work foot soldier! This morning  in a moment of rashness I thought I would look at a Social Work Forum. A salutary experience! Both encouraging and daunting. The encouraging thing was that  someone has put a very honest post on there, about not coping with the job. There were many responses, some of them encouraging and supportive.
The daunting and irritating thing was that many of the responses implied, however kindly,  that the writer should be able to cope. They did not say all that much about the overwork being unacceptable. I was amazed at the seeming agreement that it has to be the way it is! No wonder we got lumbered with it! What is this fear that has us all in its grip? I have noticed this in the office.
I responded with a bit of a rant, which I may regret.  I was very forthright about the system and the culture of social work. I asked if anyone had any ideas about what to do about it. I really wanted to say. please don't let's accept that it's OK that the system is the way it is and that it is our own fault if we can't cope! Such a clever bit of brainwashing.... well I need a rest from the struggle now and again!
This week I was a little less overwhelmed. That doesn't make the system OK, just that I might be finding a sort of escape. So today I want to concentrate mostly on keeping sane in the job.....and keeping my head above water! What helps me to escape from going under, in spite of the system?
Writing this blog.. I feel better after I have written. It helps me stay detached and I enjoy putting the grist in the mill.It is empowering! (I wish I had more time and energy to write creatively about clients. But one of the "costs" of the system is that I don't want to think about clients when I am not in work. When I work a 10 hour day,  and have so much ridiculous paperwork to do, I need to relax when I am not at work. I would resent giving any more energy to the job in actually thinking about clients. So I don't give them much benefit of my attention in a creative way. Perhaps I could do occasional writing that is aimed at finding solutions for clients, not just listing problems.Too bad it would have to happen off the job! The most important, fundamental thing is....
Remembering who I am. That means, connecting with "I" as I do the job. The "I" who is more than my job. It's amazing how challenging it is to do that, in a bureaucratic system. The whole thing is geared to creating a smooth machine, and we are little cogs in the machine. The machine is not interested in our feelings, just our function. The trick is, not to believe it. Do the stuff that must be done, but  remember who I am. I am a human being who likes working in a quiet environment, I like privacy, I like having time to do things properly. Not having those things and missing them does not make me a bad person, whatever the system says! I have a kind of mantra that helps me do this- "no matter what...I am OK.I have the right to see things my way." I am not a machine. This is my precious life and so I practise....
Seizing the moments. Noticing things I come across that are beautiful. Taking a second or two to do this at the time if I can.. Beauty lifts my spirits and it is so absent in the office. So absent. Thankfully I am not always in the office. I see flowers in people's gardens. I saw a single amazing apple on a tree this week.  I see the sun from the office kitchen window....I saw a beautiful school building on a late visit yesterday. It's vital to  notice these things.  I also remember who I am by...
Taking time for me during the work day. Relaxing for 10 or 15 minutes. Going to a coffee shop even if I don't have the full hour for lunch. When I am out and about, I can stop and have a cup of tea. They haven't yet installed tracking devices under our skins so why not? Even if I also make notes about work in the cafe,  I am somewhere else than the office. I feel I am part of the rest of the world not a bureaucratic cog. It helps to spend a few minutes every day...
Dreaming about a better way of doing the job, a better system. I won't start on this topic  properly here, but I do know of an approach that I like,  Signs of Safety.  I don't know how the whole system could be better but I know it's possible. If we were using creativity,  had supportive management, based on a holistic understanding of people, so much more could be done. What sense does it make to do keep focussing on the problem, describing the problem, analysing the problem, recording the problem? If our energy was focussed on finding solutions, and creating solutions instead of on covering our backs and avoiding punishment or exposure,  how much more effective the profession would be! It could be exciting, constructive and rewarding. It could make a real difference to children's lives. Signs of Safety takes an approach that works, but it has to be a real change not just tacked on to the old system. Scometimes it's great to switch off completely by...
Doing something FUN at the weekend, other than watching TV and eating lovely food. That takes planning, but it is worth the effort to switch off completely from the job. Of course it's wonderful having unplanned, unstructured time, but life needs variety. Then I go back to the office a little refreshed. I can help myself stay sane by
 Making it as easy as possible to deal with. minutiae. Things like, having my own checklist of tasks per child per case and ticking  them off. Have headed paper with me to do written agreements. Keep all papers and notes about a family together in a plastic folder. The office may be paperless, but I 'm not!  Sometimes
Doing some work at home is better for staying sane, than being rigid about not doing this. Within limits of course!  I don't want to come home and work for 3 hours every night. But writing up an Initial Assessment is so much easier when it is done "fresh" and the memories are vivid. So writing a draft assessment in an hour or so at home after the visit is OK for me at the moment.Better that than struggling to remember vital details and spending 4 hours on it later.Always though,
Knowing what I have to do is crucial. When it's frantic, it's easy to get caught up in Do Do Do and then I feel overwhelmed. If I know what I have to do, even if I don't have the time to do it, I feel slightly more in charge of my work.If I get the chance, remember to...
Picking colleagues' brains, how do they do it? (Stay organized that is!)  I have had a few ideas from others .It's just finding the time to talk to my colleagues about anything, including work,  that's the real challenge here.For example what about...
Using a new case check list. In the crazy system we have, there is an advantage to have a checklist that I design, which I understand!  It helps me keep track of what I need to do and when. The devil is, truly, in the details. But let's try to give the powers that be what they want, with the least amount of wasted time and effort on my part. It could take up most of the working day, satisfying the powers that be. (In fact, it probably is the main real aim of the job.) The first things on that list are to start a note of vital information which will come from different places at different times. And send an appointment letter immediately. Then remember about
Writing lists of tasks every day. This is different from the new case list.It is more of an ongoing mammoth to do list. It's possible to have so much to do that you forget to make a list and then all that stuff is floating around in your head. Stressful. Not fun. Writing it down is a lifesaver.Especially when you have 10 schools to contact before half term tomorrow, 3 Child Protection investigations, untouched new cases and deadlines approaching. ...either you run from the office screaming which could be embarrassing, or you make a list and remember to look at it. Maybe we should all run from the office screaming but in the meantime
Using standard letters, and  post or email requests for information is better than ringing around. This is a short cut that is purely for efficiency. Of course we are meant to be working closely with other professionals but as they are similarly chasing their tails, it is tedious and timewasting to chase your tail chasing them as they chase their tails...   And it saves writing stuff down if they send emails. And you can prove you tried to contact them so it slightly covers your back.  Of course it doesn't really build working relationships and it discourages probing for the deeper issues through an actual discussion. But hey ho, there must be some casualities in the war that is now social work practice on the frontline.Oh and it's less distracting for your colleagues in the office than a phone call. And it's cheaper! And since the direct line doesn't have voice mail (or shouldn't) why give someone else the work of taking a message if you aren't in the office. And in the midst of all this laborious minutiae...

Remembering why I entered the profession is a good thing.  I wanted to help people. Really! It was just that simple. I also wanted to make a difference and not just go through the motions or put people through a conveyor belt process. Hah! I still do want to help people so
Remembering what I am actually trying to do is a very good thing.  Keep coming back to...
Focussing on the children. The system is not their fault, so I mustn't take my anger out on them. I am dealing with flesh and blood children, not ID numbers or players in virtual reality. The system is a virtual system. The children are real. Cutting corners on the prescriptive paperwork is different from cutting corners when a child is at risk. It can get blurry though, so keep on track by
Asking myself  a few simple questions that allow my heart to have a say. Social work has become so left brained and rational, it loses sight of the fact that what we want to know is....

What is this child's life like?
Is the child being mistreated or abused by anyone?
Is this child having a miserable life?
Is this child's life being ruined by how they are being treated?
Is the child in danger?
Do the parents care?
Do they accept there is a problem?
Is there a real need for something to change?
Is the child's life good enough?
Is the parenting good enough?

How do I know these things? 

That's what my job is really about, answering those questions in a meaningful and honest way. I can only do the best I can in the limited time available. I may not always get it right, and  when it comes to clients...
Being realistic is a necessity.
 People aren't perfect. Parents can be struggling, cruel, stupid or totally overwhelmed. Or good enough. Or great. Children can be lovable, or a bit of a challenge or both. If I have a clear focus on the child's life experience, and how life is for the child, I will probably have done a good enough job.I can't make things perfect. A  child is a person living a life, and it's not always that easy to see life through another person's eyes but I do try. And I haven't given up yet! Because in the midst of it all I also am living my life and

Seeing a deeper meaning.
I do have a spiritual perspective on life, which has sometimes been more theory than practice. But I do believe there is a deeper purpose for my life, and a significance in all life. We aren't just bodies with feelings, we are spiritual beings. I still need to go deeper into that experience. One flash of insight that I had this week was that I could choose to see the pressure to do initial assessments so quickly as an encouragement to me to live "in the now". Respond to life now. That is part of  seeing the whole job as a spiritual challenge. I always have that choice.Then staying on top, coping, is not the be all and end all. Then I am free to be in the system, but not of the system.

Another poem of Rilke- 

"Let This Darkness Be a Bell Tower"
by Rainer Maria Rilke; translation by Joanna Macy and Anita Barrows

Quiet friend who has come so far,
feel how your breathing makes more space around you.
Let this darkness be a bell tower
and you the bell. As you ring,

what batters you becomes your strength.
Move back and forth into the change.
What is it like, such intensity of pain?
If the drink is bitter, turn yourself to wine.

In this uncontainable night,
be the mystery at the crossroads of your senses,
the meaning discovered there.

And if the world has ceased to hear you,
say to the silent earth: I flow.
To the rushing water, speak: I am.

Awake again...4.22am

Lying in bed....tired but not sleepy. Mind churning. Lists of things to do for work going through my head. This does not feel good. I worked till 8.25pm last night. I left for work at 7.30am to hand deliver a form to a GP surgery before going in to the office to be on Duty. I picked up my second s.47 report in 2 days, on top of 3 or 4 new initial assessments.

What is difficult is planning my time, when there is so much to do. It's obviously important! And without it, I hurtle from one day to the next without any sense of being in charge. But I am not a naturally organized person, a "Born Organized" sort. I like to move at a certain pace, think in a certain way, which is not frenetic.

And this job is frenetic.  One of our colleagues is going to offer a 30 minute workshop on getting Initial Assessments done on time. I was looking forward to it, though it was on a Duty day  so I thought I would probably miss it.....in any case he discovered that he had a clash on his own diary!  As the email informing us all of this put it, he was going dealing with his own time management issue......funny! But not really, as this is a very, very organized person.....what must it be like for the rest of us who aren't quite so?

So I worry about the initial assessments I have not yet started. I know I need to have a process.....robotize the response so that I don't even think about the first steps. One would be to send out a letter within a day of receiving the referral. Don't think to much about the background, just get the basic appointment letter out. Give people 3 or 4 days notice and just get the visit in the diary. The only difficulty with this is when referrers have not told parents as because we work in partnership with parents :-) we need  to start with them being willing for the referral.

......I need to contact the Foreign and Commonwealth Office about this. Sounds grand. And it is potentially interesting. 14 year old girl, shipped out to Angola by Mum, to strangers, apparently. Girl had been doing well in school. Girl not happy in Angola. FCO want us to do an assessment. However, Mum does not know about this. So I suggested there is a need for FCO to contact Mum and break the good news to her. That was Tuesday....now it's Friday and I haven't heard and time is slipping by. I haven't made an appointment with Mum and will have to move fast now to get the assessment done in 10 days. Did I remember to put it in my diary as due? I hope so....

Today our ICS (computerized record system) is being upgraded. So it won't be working from 2.30pm. Oh Joy! I hope the whole thing just goes through a sort of spontaneous combustion and liberates us from the trance of technology. I did social work before ICS  and it has been one of the most ridiculous, time wasting, clumsy and expensive encumbrances to the job.  Yesterday for example I had an assessment ready, pretty much, in Word, and just had to copy and paste it into the boxes. I had almost no more actual writing to do.

I did that little bit of writing. It took me about 1.5 hours to sort out getting the assessment actually into the ICS system and copied to siblings. Click, click, click, click. At least 4 clicks, per dimension,  8 dimensions, then finishing off...another 20 clicks or so. 50 clicks. It is mind numbing. If I just typed it, and put it on to the system with one click, how much time would be saved?

This week I have been on Duty. For the intake team, that's when you're right in the frontline, dealing with all new Child Protection Referrals for the Local Authority.  Starting on Wednesday, we were 3 people plus a manager. I haven't done an actual s.47 for months. One of my fellow Duty Social Workers has never worked in the UK before. And she, like me, was booked in for 2 days of ICS training. Mine was postponed,  but my colleague had to go to do hers.  The third is not actually a fully fledged Social Worker though she has passed her examinations but there are the layers of bureaucracy to go through first, of course.

So effectively I was the only Social Worker available to do Child Protection Enquiries. No pressure there then, for me or my manager!
 
You are meant to write things up, right away nowadays. After the CP enquiry on Wednesday I went home and did a draft write up. I had the energy, and it's reaassuring to know something is in print, for the bit of me that does care about getting things done on time....yes, I do have that bit, and I want to have a job of course.  Yesterday though, the CP enquiry included the girl being with foster carers.

A young Pakistani girl with a boyfriend that Mum does not know about, who is on the phone "all night" and after a row with Mum she has a nosebleed which she says was caused by being hit by Mum. Mum denies hitting her. She says she is keeping her younger sister awake by all the phoning. She does not want her to have a boyfriend until she is 18. It's all fascinating stuff, and it's people's lives, what happens now could change all their lives as Mum is a professional child care worker....Oh and the girl does not like her stepdad, whom Mum adores, and alleges she was raped by the brother of stepdad.

So yesterday I did a visit, to Mum, and heard her side of the story after hearing the girl's side all morning.
I spoke with one of the siblings, and saw all the bedrooms.  I have to speak with all of them, contact schools, contact GP, and it's half term next week. I have to attend an ABE interview (video interview with the police re the alleged rape). There will be no supporting evidence, the suspect is in Sweden....I am going to support the girl. Then we will be returning her home, or at least not offering her further time with fostercarers.

I haven't made notes about the bedrooms, and don't remember who slept where....tut tut. I know they weren't dirty or messy at least but ideally I would have time to make some notes when I came back to the office.

But yesterday 2 IAs were due and I had to submit them. Which was really more important? Well time to think about that girl and her family and discuss the situation in an unpressured way would have been good. And it would be good to have recorded what I did in detail. Here is a list of what I will need to write up..in detail.

The intervew with the girl.
The discussion with TM and police
The second part of the interview, about whether she wants to pursue the allegation against her mother into a complaint.
I sent the girl back to foster carers while we, policwoman and I went to see mother. Police don't want her to go home because of interview re rape.
Mother not in.
I had no telephone number for mum so I called her work.
Mother called me and said she was in.
I did visit to Mum and saw 2 of siblings.
Back to office, it is now about 4pm.
Discussion with TM and another night with foster carers is agreed. 
Referral form to be completed. Gets sent just before 5pm.
Our knuckles are rapped for sending girl back to carers she was with the first night.
I feel thankful that as it is a Police Protection Order, I don't need to complete any more paperwork.
And I feel it was the right thing to send the girl to the same carers, how ridiculous to move her
when it is only going to be one more night. But these are emergency foster carers so they need to
keep the bed available. Etc.

So once that form was sent, I spent 3 hours at work processing the two initial assessments that were due. I phoned one of the mothers involved and had a discussion that should have happened face to face, but I don't have the time for that sort of luxury. I also told another client to complete a form herself, that I should do with her, so that she can get help from the mental health team. All these not so great, but have to get it done, decisions.....I left the office at 8.25pm.

And you know what made my heart sink ever so slightly. I wasn't last to leave. There were at least 4 social workers and 2 managers in the office, likely to work till 10pm. And no one seems to think it is the least bit strange....We have a culture now where it's acceptable to work from 9a m to 10pm...no wonder my colleagues in snatched conversations say they can't cope, it's impossible, it's slavery and it's also dangerous. Where getting an assessment done in time becomes a mini crisis, you lose your perspective on the real world and what is happening out there.

For example, the son of a client was stabbed. I should have phoned, I meant to, but pressure of time, and pressure of deadlines for initial assessments meant that I just didn't. I was so keen to get assessments done, and the checks that they entail, that a simple, caring call did not happen. I'm not happy about that, I hope it's a lesson to me about not getting caught up in the mania to get things done at the price of human compassion.

When I left the office I took a breath, and realized, this is my life. It's happening amidst all this frenetic activity in which I don't connect with myself for hours at a time as I am so busy doing. It was almost a shock to be free again, to think my own thoughts. To feel my feelings. Is it right to be so busy because of a controlling system, that I forget to be aware of this being it, this is life. This is my precious life, and  I choose to enjoy it, no matter what.

I  remember seeing a tree in the morning, on my way from dropping off the letter. It was a tree with a wonderful, vivid red apple. Like an apple in a fairy tale. A moment of beauty which I appreciate.That's why it's worth it to write about my real life in social work. I get to reconnect with who I am.

Rilke is a great source of comfort and inspiration. He knew a thing or two about the relentlessness of the every day challenges we face and I am glad to remember what I believe about life and its ultimate mystery...


My life is not this steeply sloping hour
By Rainer Maria Rilke

My life is not this steeply sloping hour,
in which you see me hurrying.
Much stands behind me; I stand before it like a tree;
I am only one of my many mouths,
and at that, the one that will be still the soonest.

I am the rest between two notes,
which are somehow always in discord
because Death’s note wants to climb over—
but in the dark interval, reconciled,
they stay there trembling.
                    And the song goes on, beautiful.

Welcome to Robot World!

What a week! I am so angry, so deeply angry, that I don't know how to express it fully. The craziness of the system, and not even just in social work, makes me furious! This week there has been an outburst of moral outrage in the press about the treatment of the elderly in care homes. One in five hospitals aren't meeting the required standards of care of the elderly and too many are left without proper attention and unnoticed even when they need to go to the toilet or have a drink of water. If there was a possibility of that being my mother or father, how angry I would feel.
But the debate is taking the tone of "we must employ the right sort of people, with the right sort of values." Not these monsters who apparently have slipped through into our precious NHS and are busy neglecting our nearest and dearest. How dare they!
There are comments about the paperwork taking up too much time....but still, one of the responses I heard was..."Let's have new procedures."
Great! Wonderful! Let's have a bureaucratic response which will probably add to the burden of paperwork and ramp up the "control and command" within the system.
I wish I had a voice that could be heard. I would say: Look, you have created a system based on logic and the left brain. To function in that system, people have to make efficiency their number one priority. Caring is fundamentally not an activity driven by logic. It's a heart centred attitude. You can't measure and quantify it. Yes you can make rules about actions and behaviour. Do this every so often, take the pulse, take the temperature, give so many drinks etc. And if people are busy beyond belief, and know that their performance will be measured based on those actions, they may do their best to reach the targets. But the targets are not designed for human beings and the system itself robs its staff of their humanity.
Caring is about having time to see. It means having time to get to know a patient or a client, not to see them just as a number with a chart of boxes to tick. It means time to have little chats about how they are feeling, what they are looking forward to. Time to have human encounters that establish a connection. Then it comes naturally to look out for Mrs A who didn't have a visit for 3 days and feels a bit down. Or to take the time to listen to Mr B who is worried he isn't going to get better in time to go to his son's wedding.....and you wouldn't dream of leaving Ms C, a former teacher, lying in soiled bedding for hours because you've got paperwork to complete....."
Impossible? Well, no, actually. That is what is so annoying about all of this. I remember very well growing up in a small community where that is exactly how it was, when I was in hospital. I had my tonsils removed and  I was a frightened 10 year old. But I was being "cared for" by nurses who knew my mother, where there were connections and links between people and even if a particular nurse was a bit lazy or not in the right mood, she would not want to let my family down. It didn't even have to be thought about.
I also remember as a young person hearing about how computers were going to change our lives. Away with drudgery! Everyone would have a 4 day week and we would become the leisure society! But of course, computers have provided a system of control and measurement which has generated vast amounts of unproductive work with no relevance to CARING.
I remember as a young (ish) social worker in a "patch based" team. We were....maybe 20 people dealing with the needs of an area the size of ...let's say the Isle of Dogs  in Tower Hamlets. Every week there would be about 6 new cases, sometimes more. We had a team meeting at which the cases were allocated.  Often someone would say...oh that's the  Bloggs family! What is it this time? Was that not the family where...such and such happened or there is so and so who is a bit risky?
We often knew our cases as people, they turned up for s. 1 payments,  and we offered support and at times we intervened on a statutory basis. As a social worker, I was not all that aware of working for the Council, I was primarily a professional doing the best job I could. After a visit I would write a short note on the file and do anything that needed to be done....
Nowadays, how does it go?
There are about 20 of us dealing with all the new cases for a whole Borough. That's called intake. We have 10 days to complete an initial assessment. That includes seeing the child alone. There is no actual limit to the number of new cases you could get in a week. Could be 3, could be 8. And the "paperwork" ie computer work for each case is ridiculous.
Examples...this week I was asked to go and check who was caring for a child whose mother has mental health problems.  In the old days, I'd have gone and done a short visit, established where she was living and as it was mostly in another Borough, I'd have contacted that Borough, advised them to follow it up and referred mother to mental health services. I would have kept the case for a few weeks or months to make sure that mother was getting services and to liaise with the other Borough. I would have been able to meet the older brother, who is 16 and attending College. I would have done write ups as needed.
Nowadays, I have to go, do the visit and complete an initial assessment, covering 8 "dimensions" including social presentation and identity.  I have to write this up. Instead of taking half an hour, it takes at least 3 hours to put on the computer. It has to go straight to a team manager for approval and that must happen within 10 days. I have to contact other professionals for information about health and education.
I can't keep the case open, and I am not at all sure it will get passed on to the locality team as there is not actually work to do other than checking that referrals are made and services provided.
I should have "opened" an assessment on the 16 year old as well and will probably get my knuckles rapped that I did not. But I was trying to complete the assessment within time scales and that would have caused a bit of delay.
The pressure is phenomenal, when these timescales are made the be all and end all of the job. They just take over. This week I got a new case where the family was feeling quite anxious and I wanted to visit briefly before a visit I had already planned. I left the office to go and collect my car.We can't park at the office any more of course....I was running late...(dealing with paperwork) and the car would not start! I had to think whether I could till do the visit, and be late for my appointment, or postpone it to the next day. It was raining...I chose to postpone, made the appointment for the next day and went to my original visit.
This worked out OK, I suppose, but I know that the nerds who designed the system that controls my life, made no account of car breakdowns, the longer time travel by public transport takes, the fact that the weather influences moods and choices. It did not matter on that occasion, but I wondered if the situation had been different would I have been able to make the choice to do two visits on that afternoon?  I am not sure.
A robot though, would never be put off by rain, tiredness, too much work, wanting to have a life of its own. Maybe it could be programmed to care for people too, little robotic chats that make people feel good. A robot would function efficiently, not need breaks, not need water or to go to the toilet or to have a little human contact...it would not want to enjoy its leisure time, question authority or see the absurdity in this brave new world.   A robot would never make mistakes.
This week I spoke to my manager about feeling slightly down and not sure I would stay in this job. He is quite a reasonable human being who has some sympathy with my frustration. But he did say..."Don't you think you might become more efficient as you get used to the job?"  And he sent me information on a training about dealing with stress. I fully appreciate the desire to help which he is expressing. But it also conveys the message....this is about you, it's your responsibility, it's not the system. You have to be more efficient. You have to cope with stress......
Someone should suggest replacing social workers and nurses with robots.....if we want efficiency at all costs, it is the ultimate solution. In the meantime, I just stifle the human bit of myself and become as robotic as I can....let's get the job done. Caring...mmmh, isn't that a luxury that only real human beings can experience, not half robots like me? 
And that's what my anger is about, feeling that the system I work within is depriving me and many colleagues of my sense of joy in life, my wellbeing. Why, really, should I care about anyone else's wellbeing when the system itself leave me and my colleagues feeling like victims and slaves.... and how will  I care, when I have to numb my emotional life in order to do the job at all?

Three Voices of a Social Worker

First Voice  "How wonderful to have a job helping people...especially helping children have a better life. Wow! I can go into work today and really make a difference to people's lives! Amazing! I'm really excited about that, and can't wait to get on with it. I can be creative, powerful and have a real impact. I can encourage parents who are struggling, challenge parents who are complacent or misguided, and if it's really necessary I can intervene and use the powers that be in local authorities and Courts to ensure that children have every possible chance of wellbeing and a great life. What a wonderful job, I love it, it's inspiring and a real privilege. How blessed am I . I want to learn everything I can about it, and be the best social worker that I can be. "

Second Voice. "It's a job, fairly much like any other. I'm accountable for my work, for the decisions I make, at least accountable to my  team manager. I understand the need to have adequate assessments which don't omit significant facts. I understand the need for them to be done in a timely way so that children aren't exposed to unnecessary suffering. I will do my best to complete initial assessments in timescales and with the best possible outcomes for children. It's a matter of being well organized and business like in how I do things. Having lists of what to do on each case, keeping up to date with recording, being child focussed. Sometimes it's a bit of a challenge but I'm getting there. I can cope if I remember to look after my own wellbeing too, and don't waste any time"

Third Voice.  "This is unbearable. I feel hemmed in and choked by the regulations and the nitpicking bureaucracy of the system. My life is hardly worth living as I scurry around like a rat in a maze trying to find the cheese. I hate working in an open plan office, where the only privacy is when I go to the loo. I am frightened that my team manager will pull my assessments apart, he has so little time to listen and doesn't want to hear me weighing things up, he'll want clarity about my decision and then he'll pick holes..

No one truly cares if children are actually happy and doing OK. It's all about covering your back.What matters is if the parent is not fitting in or complying in some way, the system is out to get them. And if I don't comply I'll be blamed and shamed as not good enough.

I am frightened I won't have the physical stamina. I resent having to see all children  alone and having no say as to whether that is necessary.  It means we  have to do the bulk of  visits after 3.30 and  7 or later.And we may not get the time back in time off, so our days can be from 9 am to 7 or 8pm. I am furious not to have control of my life, my time, to be owned by the system.!

I am being punished for something I have done, or not done, some failure of faith or courage. The penalty is to be living in an endless Kafkaesque nightmare. Social Work is a profession of slaves who are commanded and controlled by the system and in turn they do this to others.

The worst thing is that I am wasting my life. I could be doing something else, I should be doing something else with my life. My gifts, talents, passion, past experience and training are completely wasted doing this soulless social work. I hate myself for going along with it and the worst thing is I haven't the gumption to get out of it. There is no escape.I feel numb and despairing."

These are the three main voices in my head when I think about Social Work and my current job. I hear all of them at times. What a conflict! Which is the truth?  I don't know how to reconcile them, or if it's possible. The weird thing is that they are all valid!  I was tuned into the first voice some of the time this week,  then the busyness starts,and the second voice kicks in...By the end of Friday, the third voice was definitely the strongest. The busier I get the louder the third voice becomes and the less energy I have for the job. Is this only me, or is it true of anyone else? And is there another voice, which has something new to say? I hope so, let's see!

Dear David

......I just started work in your area 2 weeks ago and have had the privilege of 2 weeks of induction.  Sadly if  I had the courage, I would like to tell you that I am already looking for an escape route. I am certainly feeling that I will not be around  for long. There were a couple of things that really bothered me during the induction. It isn't even the things in themselves, but the culture that they represent...a work culture that I believe is toxic.

 I am in the intake team dealing with new childcare referrals. It is one of the most pressured areas of social work. It is impossible to fit it into normal working hours which are 9 - 5.  So people start work at 9  am and frequently  continue until 8 or 9 pm . It really concerned me to hear that a  young married social worker with a young child, who started the job in July, has accrued 18 hours TOIL (time off in lieu.) She told me that she does not think it is worth taking it the time off, as her work will get behind. Does this mean that we are expected to work for nothing  for X amount of hours per month?

I really want to have a  good work-life balance! There is more to life than work, even if it is social work. I said to my young colleague that this extra work was time that was being stolen from her family and her young child. Neither of them will get it back.


Other worrying signs .....  my new team were having an away day, during our second week of induction. In the morning they had the renowned Prof Shemmings to speak about disordered attachment. We  inductees had ICs Training at that time. Guess which event took precedence...yes, ICS of course.  And the afternoon of the away day for the team was cancelled so that they could get some assessments finished on time.

Another warning sign for me was the response at the Launch of the new department. It was a dull event, there was no real life about it,  there was no excitement or enthusiasm,  just a bunch of senior managers describing tasks and setting standards.. There was no interaction with staff.  There was little response, and people I talked to afterwards were quite open about the negativity in the room. Did any of you senior managers notice this? What are you going to do about it?

Everyone comments about the beautiful new office in which our team is based. Oh dear, I find it soulless. Brand new, clean, hot desking, no personal possessions, no bins except in the kitchen, no plants, no pictures......Soulless of course. No private space. A great control mechanism, having the photocopier in the kitchen just so no one will relax as they have a drink because colleagues and managers pass through to collect printing. What a stroke of genius in the control culture. 

Open plan offices mean total distraction, stimulation overload and stress for employees, especially the way we do them in  Britain.  I won't be brainwashed into chanting the "what a lovely office" mantra because it isn't, to me. I won't do my best work there...it's just another shibboleth of a toxic workplace culture to shove people together to work and assume that means something positive.

Overall the omens aren't that great, and I'm a bit disappointed. I thought you had a genuine vision but I see it translates into the same old, same old of focussing on timescales. Frankly, that's so limited....
Sorry David,

Disappointed new employee.