Social Worker Took Her Own Life.- This could have been me.

https://www.communitycare.co.uk/2018/08/15/social-worker-took-life-stress-caused-work-arrangements-coroner-rules/

Behind the headlines is the story of 66 year old Annie Peel from Cumbria......In a nutshell, she found the pressure of the job intolerable and was facing competency intervention, two complaints and had a manager she did not like. She had had bouts of mental ill health before during her 28 year career...  Cumbria of course, considers "The health and wellbeing of all its staff to be of the utmost importance...continues to invest in the wellbeing of our workforce... " and the report helpfully includes contact details of The Samaritans, in case anyone is upset by it. 

This could have been me...I haven't been doing social work for 2.5 years now as I didn't want to put up with the craziness any more. I knew of an office which had 3 staff die in the course of a year, all stress related. One a young woman of 33 who had a brain tumour. It is sad, as when I started the job back in the 80's, it wasn't perfect but there was a recognition that the work was demanding and people had more realistic work loads and working hours...and I'm sure I did better work with families. 

This social worker who died was in her 60's, and didn't get the help she needed. I'm glad that the coroner made a clear link between her work and the stress that drove her to take her own life.   A Social Worker commenting on the article says "Younger management often bully older experienced staff. My experience is that older staff are not wanted and they certainly are not supported."  This is borne out in the original article.. Anni Peel wanted to move into a less demanding, lower grade job.  I assumed at first she wanted to move from being a social worker to being a social work assistant. Not so.

Annie Peel was a team manager who wanted to have less responsibility. She had how many social workers reporting to her directly or indirectly?  Most likely at least 20.  I know from experience that is very stressful.  At her age, and already with mental health issues in her history (most likely also work related, but that is not spelt out), why did her employers not accept that?  

She was a person who, according to the local paper,  "... had a great sense of humour that could lift spirits and colleagues and families alike held Annie in their affection. The shock of Annie's untimely death has been felt in the Carlisle teams but also across the county." I know so many social workers who might fit that description, How sad that her sense of humour was not quite enough to see the ridiculousness of her employers putting her through the machinations of capability rather than employ someone new and untried.  If her work was really that bad, why not move her along with dignity to a less arduous post?  At 66 this does not seem unreasonable... Why could this not happen?

But managers, even Directors are driven by political pressures including cost saving. And more than that, it is society's choice to prize the culture of "work till you drop and then some more", if it will save some money.  Will people actually pay for a service with enough staff?   The  employer preferred to persecute her, is how it reads.  Another commenter who gives her name as Anne Edwards... 

"Can there be anyone who has not experienced agonising panic attacks, huge anxiety and daily fear that something may go wrong. It is harder for older workers who may struggle more than younger people e.g. with computerised records or with the pace of work, especially if the person suffers from health issues ( more common as one ages)"   and one commenter says;
"I’m thoroughly ashamed sometimes to be associated with my own profession for failing in its duty of care to its own staff and being so frightened of the bogey man (Ofsted) that they fail staff and in turn children..."  This sounds like internalized oppression, experienced by persecuted minorities whose self respect is deeply eroded by the way they are treated so that they turn on themselves...

Although I have now been out of social work for 2.5 years, I have friends still there, and I know it is not improving.  But now I'm aware of the wider picture too.  The general acceptance of stress as normal part of working life.  Research in vast amounts highlights the link between stress and deterioration in physical and mental health. But in general  mainstream just ignores it with a bit of handwringing and tokenism. 

I think it's the first time I've read an article in commuity care highlighting this issue quite so clearly, often it's full of what social workers have got wrong etc... But I do think it is about a bigger picture of how we define being human,I feel we got besotted with computers and have misused technology so that it dehumanises as an agent of control.. It's so interesting that children in Silicon Valley are sent to a WALDORF school and are not given gadgets till age 11... it sounds remote from talking about stress in social work but there is a connection. You may know what I mean...? 

 I cannot really understand how it is that (speaking in shorthand) we think it is OK for a small number of people to half kill themselves working 60 plus hours a week whilst many many people have no work at all. Yet we are increasing the retirement age. And part time work is limited.And we complain about loneliness and poor care of the elderly and children not having empathy etc etc... and mental ill health and suicide rates amongst children.... 

Meditation, faith,  spiritual practice and other forms of self care etc kept me fairly sane through some challenging times.  Now I might teach meditation but it is a bit frustrating to see how we think it is OK to be frenetic most of the time, as long as we meditate! I may not have expressed this very clearly but I think there is a spiritual, as well as "merely" a health issuse. Yes it's definitely undervalued work and really,  how can stressed, fearful, shamed staff do good work with anyone? 

 I read a book called Whack-a-Mole: The Price We Pay For Expecting Perfection by David Marx, He begins by sharing a story from his own life about how he once did something quite dangerous at home, even though it was his job to be responsible for Health and Safety... It is a long while since I read it but it totally underlined the dangers of a blame culture. I doubt it was read by many social work managers...

 Condolences to Annie's family and I honour her for all the good work she did.  Such a shame to end not just her career, but her life. I am glad that Community Care is publishing this, so often it is reporting on the latest flaws and failings of staff.. and I am glad the Coroner made such a clear judgement.    How can we support each other in a system which is based on divide, intimidate and rule.  I think it needs to be something outside of social work and not just an Employee Wellbeing Service which Annie did not wish to use.   Annie Peel was a team manager who wanted to have less responsibility, why did her employers not accept that?  She was a person who, according to the local paper,  "... had a great sense of humour that could lift spirits and colleagues and families alike held Annie in their affection. The shock of Annie's untimely death has been felt in the Carlisle teams but also across the county."But managers even Directors are driven by political pressures including cost saving.  It is society's choice to prize the culture of work till you drop and then some more, if it will save some money.  Will people actually pay for a service with enough staff? 

That could have been me, but I didn't choose to stay in an exposed role like Team Manager, I didn't choose to stay as a hard pressed front line worker, and eventually I didn't choose to stay in any local authority social work job.  Life is different now, uncertain, challenging, but I'm not oppressed, shamed and harried on a daily basis.  I wish I could help those who are.
  
And I think I've needed 2.5 years to detox...It's not easy looking back at a working life much which was a case of surviving and maintaining sanity within a system designed, deliberately or not, to turn people into puppets. And in which I feel I wasted much of my creativity and potential.. But at least I am alive!  Annie Peel did not see a way through her current stressful situation and there, but by the grace of God, I did.

Shanay Walker.... Reflection. 2017

This was written while the press was reporting on Shanay's case,  back in  2017.

Looking through the reports from the Court, it is so sad. A 7 year old child, her life over and we don't know exactly what happened. Her aunt found guilty of cruelty. Not murder, not manslaughter, but cruelty.  I've decided to write a response. Shanay deserves that I take the time and do this.  Since the last post, I've had ups and downs.  Right now I feel differently about the job. I don't think I'll be doing it for many more years, and I've made peace with it in some way. And I'd like to contribute....

So here goes. 

I feel so sad for this child. I know as well there are going to be some anxious professionals, waiting for the inevitable finger pointing.  For Shanay was in foster care for  2 years, from the age of 3 and a half.  The foster carer told SW that Shanay was standing at the top of the stairs, saying that she was falling. The report says that the foster carer said it was all attention seeking. So what was the response? They put up a "Dog Gate" as a stair gate was not big enough.  

Why do we think that "Attention Seeking" explains anything?  Maybe a child seeks attention because they need attention!  Did anyone look below the label and look into whether the child needed help? It sounds like a classic symptom of trauma, to do something frightening, dangerous, in order to better cope with stress, to feel a little bit powerful, and yes, to get attention.  

Shanay was either Taken Away from or Handed Over by her mother. The reports use both phrases. It seems more likely that mother "handed her over" and mother was depressed and not able to cope. It looks like mother was white, or possibly mixed race.  Shanay spent 18 months in foster care. Things had to progress...

You can imagine the conversations in the office. "We need to enure permanence for her, she can't be in foster care for ever.  She's a slightly older child, we have to consider a carer within the family if we can. 

The aunt is offering to look after her.  Paternal aunt. Shame father is in prison but at least it's family and Grandmother will help.  She's only 21 but what is the alternative? Long term foster care- that's not ideal. She is a bit too old to be adopted. We have to decide." So an assessment was no doubt done, maybe it was a good one, maybe not. The mindset would be to look for the good points. Keep the child at the same school, keep the child in the family circle, reduce the number of children "looked after".  Under a Special Guardianship Order the case can close after a couple of years. Not when a child is looked after.  

Grandmother was charged with cruelty to Shanay and found not guilty. But she was found guilty on other charges of cruelty. she was questioned about her own background. Punishment was by beating, which she said she stopped when she came to the UK, and also "peppering" ie putting pepper on a girl's vagina as a punishment for having sex.  She herself had been raped and the aunt and her twin sister were the result of rape. Kay Ann came to this country at 13.  Both she and her sister were angry with their mother about their childhood.   Grandmother says that at 3 a m on 31st, maybe 30th July, her daughter Kay Ann phoned her and said "I love you." Grandmother said she never tell me that.... I knew something was wrong." 

Lately I've been reading a lot of assessments and think to myself, where is the history?  We don't seem to look into family history properly any more.  Did someone do this in Nottingham?  Was the background thoroughly considered? I don't need to wait for a Serious Case Review to reflect on the importance of having an indepth understanding of a family background. Of course, maybe they did. And on the other hand, this was a church going family, and I think somewhere it says that Kay Ann aspired to join the police. She offered herself as a carer. 

We all know the saying, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. We want families to take responsibility, we don't want expensive legal battles, we get criticized for having raised the bar too high in terms of what we expect of carers. Someone, somewhere ( several someones) will have said, we are OK with this. There can be a support package, we'll keep an eye on things. The risks are low.  Yes, we have processes and procedures and planning is done, we hope, thoroughly. 

Then, there were the reports from school.  The bruises. The burn. The "can't go swimming, chlorine makes her hair fall out.". Aunt's righteous anger about the child being spoken with by an "unofficial" Safeguarding Officer, a Classroom Assistant. Aunt being "intimidating".  Shanay explaining things. Not always in the same way, but she seemed to have a loving relationship with her aunt....Investigations took place. A multi agency meeting, agreeing to close the case a month before she died. 

Someone asked me yesterday, how could this happen?  

All too easily.  We have this naive belief that children are going to tell us the truth, verbally, if there is a problem.  Shanay was saying things were OK, and the social worker observed a loving relationship. But at school, much more familiar territory, they observed something else.  Behaviour that showed a complete alteration in the child, who by all accounts was bubbly and lively.  But not around her aunt... The teaching assistant said 

"I remember at the end of the day, when conversation took place with Kay-Ann, Shanay would stand there with her head down, slightly rocking and saying 'yes' and 'no'."

Did the social worker get told about this body language?  Was this often observed?  At times, Shanay did talk about the punishments at home.  

"Between July 2012 and July 2014 witnesses said Morris:

• Threw Shanay into a wall after she stole water.
• Dragged her by the hair.
• Put clothes in Shanay's mouth if she wore the wrong thing.
• Forced Shanay to eat things she did not want as a punishment after she had stolen food.
• Told Shanay to repeatedly run up and down stairs."

(http://www.nottinghampost.com/shanay-walker)

We don't know, yet, how often these were reported but it is sad to think that this was a child who was an "open" case. People were meeting about her still, just a month before she died.  They genuinely believed things had improved, there is no mention she was ever on a Child Protection Plan. It seems no one thought there was a significant risk of harm. 

How is it then, that reading the journalist's reports, it all seems so glaringly obvious and to raise so many questions. 

Such as- 

Were the school's concerns taken seriously? 

Was the child listened to, not just her verbal communication but her "bodytalk?"

Why did mother have so little contact and were her concerns listened to? 

Did the assessments which no doubt were done, really explore her family background?  (How often would we talk in depth to a grandmother who is not the main carer? Would the daughters feel too much loyalty to say to a social worker what life was really like for them, even if they did feel anger towards their mother?

How much support did Ms Kay Ann Morris get? She did not, it seems to me, start out with bad intentions towards her niece. Her text to Ms Walker says "I'm sorry, I was not strong enough."  Not strong enough to be a firm but loving carer...not strong enough to protect her from an attack by someone else, not strong enough to control her own rage. 

Was there good management oversight, reflective supervision, a manageable workload, clear guidance?  

But I don't think the questions are just about social work. The neighbours who heard and saw the worrying signs. They were shown the child and told she was OK, so did they decide not to "report".- more than likely. None of us like interfering in other people's business. Maybe they knew her, knew she had taken in her niece and it was not easy.  The Teaching Assistant found Ms Morris intimidating. Perhaps the neighbour did too. Perhaps the social worker did.  We are so lacking in self awareness, generally speaking, that we may not know that fear of looking silly or fear of being shouted at by someone with a strong personality might get in the way of doing what we really know to be right.  As professionals, it's even more possible, because we are supposed to know better!  I wonder, though, how easy it would be for a social worker to admit in supervision to feeling nervous or frightened by a client. It's different if they are labelled dangerous, that's acceptable. For a social worker to own the feeling is possibly not so acceptable.  I'm troubled about Shanay going into a shop at 9pm and asking for a drink. Taking a can of fizzy drink. And was anyone concerned about this little girl out and about in her pyjamas? Did anyone think it was strange?  

It seems the shop assistant simply told her she had to pay, which presumably she could not. 

I think, Shanay,  we have to look at how our society is. And make some changes so we don't lose children like you in future. 

I'm sorry for you, but I know you're actually in a better place now. I don't happen to believe that the end of the physical life is the end. I have a sense of you, laughing and singing and dancing, happy and free!  Maybe you were sent to earth for this particular mission. Part of the Wake Up call, come back to Love.   You did your bit and suffered and died.  Thank you for how you've touched me, somehow, and how your unbroken spirit was recognized by the Judge.   

I feel sorry for your social worker, foster carers, managers, everyone in Nottingham who will be facing a difficult time in the next year.  I hope that people will seek to identify mistakes not to have a witch hunt!  I hope that there will be compassion and wisdom in the probing and empathy with those who are subjected to it.  I hope that everyone involved, the neighbours, the shop keeper, the school, extended family...thinks what could I do to prevent this happening again? 

I feel sorry for your mother. She had problems and could not cope. No doubt she is blaming herself and others. I hope she can find forgiveness for herself and for others. She missed out on something special with you. 

I feel sorry for grandmother, brought up in a way that somehow will always seem right to her. Crossing an ocean does not mean changing your mind. And we don't do a lot to change hearts and minds in our culture. 

I feel sorry for Kay Ann Morris.  Someone out of her depth is how it seems. She meant well, at least she had a sense of duty, and may simply not have been able to cope or to admit that.  And that might be what she really meant when she said: "I was not strong enough." 

I am going to remember you and maybe, just maybe, do my job in a different, better, stronger way. 

The Beginning of The End? Or Hitting the Ground Running!

This week I handed in my notice. Hallelujah! Celebrations....! But wait a minute...Yesterday, just as the week ended and at the end of a very arduous and irritating day on duty, my team manager said "She who must be obeyed (he used her name but that's the gist of it) says you might not be able to finish so soon." He added that I can't count on being able to carry leave over to next year. I said: "So you are saying I have to take my leave this month, and come back and finish out my notice in April?"
He looked a bit confused, I felt my irritation surge, and I said, let's not discuss this now on a Friday at 6.30pm. We'll talk about it on Monday.
He said, just make sure you sort out your leave on Monday as you could lose it.
The day had been a real drag. I had not slept well, thinking about the work, finishing, the new job...but usually good will sees me through even if I am tired.
Today though, I discovered the system has changed. We now do have to do real Duty. This has not been the case before but now any query from a school has to be dealt with by a social worker. This was not explained by the Duty manager, and nor did he explain how to complete a contact form or whether he wanted a recommendation attached. As is usual in this Borough, just work it out for yourself, bother someone else if you have to, don't expect clarity or discussion. So the work of duty was quietly doubled, less time for our own work. I expect my non meeting of deadlines will reflect this, and managers will quietly "forget" that they made this change and that it has a knock on effect.
Much of the time I was the only social worker in the office, I took 3 full referrals and several other things and had no time in between to write them up or have a proper lunch break. By the time I took the 3rd on the trot I was quite bemused and did not ask all the questions I could, should, would have. The TM's response was a kind of surly blamingness. He also is tired and stressed. I said, look, it's 3 pm and I have had no break, I am going to make mistakes. I find my patience is almost exhausted with the system's exploitative and dictatorial processes. I looked up "Bullying at Work" and came across the ACAS leaflet about it. I am pretty sure I could make a reasonable case about my experience of work in this LA. One of the forms of bullying listed is


 "deliberately undermining a competent worker by overloading and constant criticism" 

Yes, that rings quite true. Sadly it is the culture of the office.

I know my TM tries to be nice, some of the time, but he surely is not a nice person when he is on Duty.  A colleague had a meeting arranged in the morning, the room booked was too small, and when He found out about it, he said "Why did you do that?" in his usual accusing tone when he discovers a mistake.  As if someone would set out deliberately to book the wrong size room.  My colleagues are all becoming increasingly irritated by the tension and the workload. Even the NQSW, who is so willing, effective and dedicated, told me she was reassured that I was leaving to do another job in social work as it gave her hope that other LAs could be different.
Anyway, after hearing the news about my leave, I left the office in a fairly rancid mood. I was thinking that without massive and unappreciated good will on the part of the staff, the job would not get done. After all as we told our Director this week, we are working 50 to 60 hours per week as a matter of course.
Near the station, with all of this circling round in my brain, I fell. Hard. Suddenly I slipped or tripped, I don't quite know, and felt my face land hard on the pavement. Ouch!! The impact was mainly on my nose and forehead. I looked up expecting to see a gush of blood and a pair of shattered glasses.
There was neither. I was amazed, dazed and in some pain. A passer by had stopped and asked if I was OK, saying she had "felt that." I got up, shaken and continued to the station.
Still no bruises to day and hardly a sign that anything happened. But it does give me pause for thought.
Was it because I felt like smashing someone's face in? (eg my team leader) or because I was just tired and distracted?
I don't know. But I know that I am prepared to assert myself about this leaving business. And I know I don't have the energy or the good will to work more than about 40 hours a week. And why should I? Oh and I got a couple of new cases yesterday as well.

So a letter is composing itself about my leaving.

Dear So and So,
I am leaving work in a month's time from 8th March when I handed in my notice. I have 5 -10 days leave to take.  I am paid to work 37.5 hours per week. I won't get TOIL so I won't work any extra hours from now on. Have a look at this article if you wonder why. I will write up the assessments I have done and will do. I will leave clear notes about what needs to be done but I will only work the hours I am paid to work.
And if you do not like it, you can whistle. As bosses go, you are pretty vile and that's the truth. I almost wish I had had more courage, stood up to you more. But I wanted to keep on the right side of you and get a half decent reference, and I am not the only one. So you  don't get to hear the truth, which is- it's been a nightmare job and I am going to need recovery time.
I'll take advice from an HR expert, or I will take legal advice, but I won't be bullied or blackmailed into unreasonable and ridiculous amounts of work.  If you really care about the children of this Borough, then employ enough social workers to meet the need. And get some sane systems and sane people to run them.
Yours etc etc.

And I think there is an undercurrent of disappointment that having spoken quite frankly to the Director, in a meeting he set up earlier in the week, there has not been any sign of  a response or an intervention to improve things. He was very pleasant, murmured sympathetically, but still accepts that this team will work almost twice its contractual hours to ensure a service is provided, and will be criticized for its inevitable shortcomings as it tries to do so. Not very impressive. Still, I trust for me this is the beginning of the end of a nightmare.
I'm Leaving You.

PS I decided that this is not the place to talk about the spiritual dimension of my work and/or life, and that that needs to have it's own space. . This one will focus on the job and I started another one to explore the spiritual journey. I'm excited about creating a kind of dialogue between these blogs...see the other one here!

Saturday Sanctuary

Another week over, another couple of days respite. It's been a while since I wrote anything here. Sometimes it's just very hard to find the place in myself to write from. Since I started sharing the blog, maybe I am too self conscious, wanting to look good, even when I don't feel good!

The truth is that recently my boss has been reading assessments I wrote in November and December and is not always very happy with them. The agency expects an OFSTED inspection any time now and the pressure on us to dot the "i's" and cross the "t's" is so high.

My colleague/ friend I mentioned not too long ago handed in her notice. She doesn't have a job to go to, but with all the pressure and the lack of support she just could not tolerate being scrutinized and judged. It's so hard to see because I know there is another side to the story. Perhaps her work really is not up to scratch. I doubt that very much,having worked with her over a period of 2 years previously and not heard any complaints!  I am not sure my own work is really no better, I may just have had a slightly more supportive manager.  Or because I am older and look like a very typical social worker, I get a bit more rope than my rather more glamorous, younger colleague!

I just wish she (and I) had had a bit more real support. For example, to be sent out with the "best" social workers in our first week or two, (ie those who apparently manage to meet all the deadlines),  to have an induction designed for the job and not a vague, go and read and get on with it sort of thing. After all 5 of us were starting at the same time, it would have been worth planning for us properly! I wish we'd been made familiar with scanning documents so that it was automatic before we ever saw a client. I wish that there was a 1 day training on how to do the initial assessments in the most effective and efficient way.  Instead, what has happened is basically we have been left to sink or swim.

Out of the people who started with me,  my friend has "sunk". I have "sunk", with my head occasionally bobbing up above the water. Another is leaving for family reasons but is clear that she thinks there is a huge management issue.  Another is going to do her level best to get through the probation period, and then will relax. She is angry, disillusioned and taking a good deal of sick leave and all the annual leave she can.

She made the point the other day that everyone is so busy they don't record the extra hours they work. She said that this means there is no evidence for how much we are working, as far as management are concerned. And of course she is right.And the other who started with us is also falling behind, starting work at 5.30 am and working far into the night to try to keep up. This person has a work permit and a loan from the Council so has very limited options. Like at least 6 other social workers out of 14.

It is just mindboggling how the job actually is. The bureaucracy that slows everything down and is so frustrating for clients and staff. On Thursday I got 3 or 4 emails from my manager wanting things added to or changed in some assessments from November. I can hardly remember the cases, now I have to "resurrect" them and do more work, on top of current work............

Thursday was a very difficult day. I felt completely thrown off kilter. With so many urgent things to do, I literally could not think straight. I tried to work faster, and was the last person in the office at 9pm. I did not even notice that it had snowed. I had the thought that I could just have stayed there and worked all night, or been stranded by the snow, unable to get home. No one would have noticed.

Every week or so, there is a list sent round with assessments that are out of date. My name was never on it till after Christmas, now there are 4 or so. Of those, some I have done the required visits but not had time to write up, some I forgot to copy and paste to a sibling.  But with the amount of work coming in now, I do not know how I will catch up.  What to do?

I got home at 10pm on Thursday evening, stressed and tired. I did not sleep well and in the morning really thought about taking the day off sick. But I had an appointment arranged with a reluctant client, one which we had actually discussed and I did not want to risk missing it.  On the way to the train station she rang to say she would not be there. I almost went back home but decided to carry on. I still felt so reluctant to get in that I did go and have a cup of coffee and phoned a social work friend.  Her job is better paid, much less stressful and it is agreed she can work from home two days a week.  It sort of helped to know that a similar team in a different Local Authority is a happy place to work!

When I got to the office at 11 am, ( 2hours Time Off In Lieu) I was told a client had presented herself to a social work office in another area. She had no money for her two children and half term was imminent.  To cut a long story short, my whole day from 11 am to 7pm consisted of dealing with that one situation, with just a few calls on another "old" case, one discussion with a GP about a baby,  and a lunch break of 45 minutes.

The final phone call in relation to the case was from the client I spent most of the day working on so that the case could transfer to the other LA.  If I'd been expecting gratitude I would have been sorely disappointed.  She phoned at 6.30pm basically to demand that she gets reimbursed for a payment she made to a playscheme and to tell me how glad she is that she will be dealing with another Local Authority. Lovely end to the week. And all the urgent things (which are to do with children's lives) which had freaked me out the previous day? Not a chance even to think about them.  But yesterday evening at home I did re do my weekly to do list, so that I can start again on Monday with a bit of clarity.

The inner story though is quite interesting.I've moved it to my ACIM space.

Peace and Mental Health.

I am studying A Course in Miracles.  I don't find it easy to admit how important it is to me,  and how I feel my mind changing now. But the Urtext is something else! A kind of practical commentary on the teaching of the course. The word "miracles" is a bit misleading. The Miracles are to do with shifts in perception rather than feeding the five thousand. It makes it sound like a flaky thing, want to learn to turn water into wine?
Especially to a down to earth social worker, who needs to be very pragmatic...
But reading in the Urtext about peace and mental health, it is very clear how the Course "scribes" were psychologists! Peace actually IS mental health and what the Course says seems very relevant to my personal journey and also in thinking about social work and clients.
"Peace is an attribute in YOU. You cannot find it outside. All mental illness is some form of EXTERNAL searching. Mental health is INNER peace. It enables you to remain unshaken by lack of love from without, and capable, through your own miracles, of correcting the external conditions, which proceed from lack of love in others."
Time, almost, to think about this in my life and in a client's life. For example the young mother who needs to detox, and has an 11 year old daughter who does not have anyone to support her or offer her a place to stay for a few weeks. 
I don't know the answer. My first response is to feel stressed and inadequate.  Then to do more assessment. What if there is another way to look at all of this? 
Young mother is convinced that without moving to a particular area, her life is doomed. She is convinced she needs to detox from 15g of diazepam.   She blames her daughter for getting in the way of her recovery and says so loud and clear. Mother and daughter love each other but resent one another too. 
What if young mother were not so fixated on the solutions she has in her mind? What if she let go of detox, and began to make staying calm and and at peace within, her main goal? What if she surrendered the need to make things happen the way she thinks they should, and she could be happy anyway?

Perhaps the problems would just vanish and a new solution would emerge. 

Well, she and her daughter would not need a social worker. And if it's true what I wrote about yesterday, that in Reality all is perfect, than the so called problems are not Real.

It feels amazing and liberating to write this. That this is the first step of spiritual social work. 

Problems are not Real. 

Everything that is confusing, upsetting, painful for my clients and myself is not Real. It is an absence of Love, and in young mother's case, her inner experience is of fear and lack of peace. So the first great gift I can offer, is to be Peace and to see Peace as her true state of being. 

Of course all the problems seem very real and difficult. But at a soul level, they are just clouds of nothingness. 

And maybe I've taken a very important step with this seeing...the first step of what I came into the world to do...spiritual social work.  It's just spiritual problem solving. I can't make young mother change her mind but I can see the truth of her being and everything flows from that. I hold to Peace and don't get sidetracked into making her problem into a very big deal. 

For the first time, I see the invitation to do this with all the situations at work. Seeing her mental pain, remembering the Soul and seeing it's beauty. 

A  new vision of social work....which IS at one with my spiritual path. Where I and my clients are on the same side, whether we know it or not. 

At 3.53 a m again.

I hoped for 7 hours sleep tonight, so far I had 4. Then I'm awake and a to do list forms constantly in my mind. I am mildly anxious. Not a good state of mind, it's not well being, or Heaven! Oh and it's guilt as well as I have not done some, in fact many, things I should have done. Some are not that important, and if they never get done it will make no difference. Others could change a child's life.
Richard Wilson made a programme about our modern world, its use of technology and how that affects us. He did a section where he was dealing with a Call Centre. Waiting for a person to answer, getting the usual runaround. His heart rate was tested and it rose measurably, indicating stress. I wondered what would happen if this was done to me or other social workers during our working day!
One of the reasons for my anxiety/guilt feelings is that I have supervision today. How much do I say? Do I mention that "case" from November that I simply have not got round to? It is a case with a "shouty" mother, possibly neglect and certainly non cooperation. At least I met the girl on her own doorstep.It's one of those chronic situations with a lot of inertia all round.
I find getting a basic assessment done is one thing. Following through with actions is another. And we now have a new requirement that we have to do chronologies and genograms on any case we want to transfer. In fact we need to know so much about those cases that it amounts to practically a core assessment. Which is what we are transferring it for. It makes me think twice about transferring. This is probably what is intended, as we do only initial assessments allegedly. But if a case (that is a child, of course) needs more help, we have to do more work to be able to access the team that gives the help. Or try to do it ourselves, which means more things to do. Either way it is more work, without more hours in the day, and all the while being told this is normal for intake,you are inadequate if you cannot do it.
Aha, a deep breath, relaxation. Remembering who I AM.  Not this restless mind listing its tasks, condemning itself, fearing judgement. This is a feeling, a state of mind, ego mind. It's wonderful work for someone on a spiritual path, as there is so much that ego can feed on! Many excuses to feel bad, punish myself, and at times have the outer world punish me too!
But through the a different lens, what do I see?  Well, sometimes I glimpse the reality in my clients. Yesterday, there was the woman who wants a  better life for her four sons, and she could easily be judged because of the wider family and the family history. She has created a loving home, and it's a long time since I saw children sitting round a table having a home cooked meal together. Of course this might well be for my benefit but there was a gentleness about these boys which tugged at my heartstrings. I liked, no, loved them all and their brave mother.
 This week I have been so busy seeing people that there has not been time to do the writing up. And I have been trying out a new approach to doing the assessments, which will clarify things but it takes time to get used to it. The fearful thought it "I will never catch up." That is my social work reality, I will never catch up, never have time to do all the things I would love to do, and hardly have time to do the things I must do.
Remember the Reality beyond all this striving and busy-ness, the Reality beyond the parents who let their children down, and the system that creates impossible demands. Rest for a while, in the embrace of Reality where everything is already perfect. Done completely. Imagine that! Nothing to do. Perfect.

I am, O Anxious One. Don't you hear my voice
surging forth with all my earthly feelings?
They yearn so high, that they have sprouted wings
and whitely fly in circles round your face.
My soul, dressed in silence, rises up
and stands alone before you: can't you see?
don't you know that my prayer is growing ripe
upon your vision as upon a tree?

If you are the dreamer, I am what you dream.
But when you want to wake, I am your wish,
and I grow strong with all magnificence
and turn myself into a star's vast silence
above the strange and distant city, Time.

From 'Ahead of All Parting:
The Selected Poetry and Prose of Rainer Maria Rilke'
Edited and Translated by Stephen Mitchell

From a lovely website http://allspirit.co.uk/rilkeiam.html

Down to Earth with a Bump...?

It was all going so well! Since Christmas, I had a shift to a new perspective and way of being at work. So different. I was quite at peace and happy that everything was going to work out and it did not matter what happened...so long as I was doing the best I could and trusting in grace to supply the difference.
But yesterday I met my colleague/ friend Y and she was so upset. She has been told by management that she is basically not up to the mark. And I feel disturbed, that she has been given no support, just this cold, dismissive reaction. I know she is working hard. I know also that it's so much easier to criticize and pick out the failings than to be on the front line doing the work.
I feel angry that she is treated this way. And angry that I also got pulled up about having blank sections in my assessment. There is too much work, it is that simple. But then, as Y says she was told, some people manage it. Yes, some people do. So everyone should.
I feel guilty that I haven't been treated like this, and guilty that by "managing it" or seeming to, I can be pointed to by management who say, she can cope. What management say is realistic, is realistic. There is a power struggle, with management saying the workload is doable, and staff saying "It is not" but somehow seeming to cope. Those who do not seem to cope will suffer the consequences. The power struggle of whose definition of reality is valid.
This sparks off a kind of rage and helplessness.
It seems thoroughly unethical to me. To be able to give someone a bad reference after 3 months in a job which they have been dumped on and given an impossible workload...Making it difficult for them to move on.  Not to mention the fear that this management style induces in the whole team.
On the same day comes the news that Essex council have to pay millions in compensation to the victims of child abuse. Their social workers did not intervene to protect some children whose father was known to have abused other children and they were subject to years of abuse.
Of course that is very sad. But to penalize a council in that way, with the ripple effect on how its social workers are perceived and how social work is generally perceived...seems a strange response. Where does the buck stop? This culture of entitlement costs society very dear. That money could have gone into training, investment (possibly in more social workers) with a "good will payment" and public apology to the individuals, and support to help them rebuild their lives. Now I as a social worker know that any individual can sue my employer for my mistakes....And the motivation for the work becomes fear, not love. If I am not very careful!
I woke again at 4 am to write this. Not the best preparation for a day which includes two potentially difficult visits to clients one of whom has already shouted at me down the phone.
Do I feel centered?  Do I feel at peace?  It feels like, back to the real world with a bump. And yet....I talk about the other reality here.